


To Be Strong

by TheSteinsGateFormula



Series: That universe where Karma and Asano are brothers and everyone else suffers because of it. [6]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Akabane Karma & Asano Gakushuu are Siblings, Angst, Brothers, Class 3-E as Family (Assassination Classroom), Divorce, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Karashuu 2021, bad childhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-25 18:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30093207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSteinsGateFormula/pseuds/TheSteinsGateFormula
Summary: The definition of strength was something Karma and Gakushuu learned very quickly. The meaning, however, changed throughout the years.
Series: That universe where Karma and Asano are brothers and everyone else suffers because of it. [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129826
Comments: 13
Kudos: 52





	1. Cleaning up Messes

**Author's Note:**

> Four parter! This is basically an origin story for Karma and Gakushuu for this universe to fill in the final missing pieces. 
> 
> Karashuu Prompt: Assassin
> 
> *Part 6 of That universe where Karma and Asano are brothers and everyone else suffers because of it.

_When Karma was three, he thought real strength was about being brave and always doing the right thing, like a superhero._

Or at least that’s what it sounded like in the stories his dad read them.

“…The ship’s turbo blasters were running out of fuel and the black hole was drawing nearer,” their dad read to them quietly in their room while the three of them were comfortably on Gakushuu’s bed with their dad holding them close. “Astroboy knew he didn’t have much time before they were sucked in.”

Karma sucked on his superhero blanket while his head rested on his dad’s side, the comic book they were reading had lots of black and white pictures in different panels. “Daddy, what does a black hole look like?”

“Like a hole,” Gakushuu chimed in. “See!” He pointed at the picture. “It’s right there.”

“But, it’s in black and white!” Karma argued.

“But, it does still look like that more or less.” Their dad hummed. “It varies, but it tends to be a pure black round hole with stars around it or some form of bright light.”

_It sounded cool._

“What happens if you go through it?” Karma frowned. “Do you die?”

“…Well, that is predicted, yes,” his dad replied, stroking his head. “But scientists still aren’t completely sure.” He smiled. “So Astroboy is _very_ brave to go out there to save his ship.”

Karma nodded. “He’s strong,” he mumbled, chewing on his blanket as he snuggled closer to his dad. “I wanna be like Astroboy in space, but not a robot.” He frowned. “I wanna be a space captain.”

“That’s called a spaceman,” Gakushuu corrected.

Their dad chuckled, ruffling his head. “It’s actually called an astronaut.”

Karma muttered, trying to remember the new word. “Astro-nowt.”

“Yes.” His dad smiled proudly. “Very good, Karma.”

He smiled brightly at the praise. “Astronaut!”

Their dad laughed, before glancing at the transformer’s clock. “I think we’ll need to wrap it up here.”

“No!” Gakushuu frowned. “I wanna finish it.”

“We can finish it tomorrow.” Their dad replied, closing the comic book and putting it under his arm. “It’s time for bed.” He gently lifted Karma up, who was nestled by his side. “No arguments.”

“But we were near the end!” Gakushuus still argued while Karma yawned and rubbed his eyes as his dad lifted him up. “Daddy, finish the story!”

“You can have a second story once we finish it tomorrow.” Their dad tucked Karma into bed, bringing the sheets up to his chin. “A good night’s sleep is important.”

“Will mommy be back home tomorrow?” Karma asked, frowning.

“She’ll be back by Saturday.” Their dad smiled. “Do you know how many days that is?”

“Three,” Karma mumbled, holding up three fingers.

“Yes, that’s very good, Karma.” He turned Karma’s dolphin neon blue nightlight on. “And do you remember what to do if you need the toilet?”

Karma snuggled his face in his blanket, yawning. “Go to the potty or wake you up if I make an accident.”

His dad nodded, kissing the top of his head. “That’s right.” He walked over to Gakushuu and tucked the boy in.

Gakushuu glared at their dad. “I wanted to finish the story…”

“We’ll finish it tomorrow.” Their dad looked amused, sitting on the bed as he made sure the transformer’s Optimus Prime toy was under the blankets. “I’ll be visiting Ikeda tomorrow, so there are lots of stories he’ll want me to tell you.”

His big brother perked up when he heard that. “Can I come? Please!”

Their dad patted him on the head. “I don’t think his parents will want their house crowded.” He smiled. “I’ll ask him tomorrow if he wants to come over and visit, alright?”

That seemed to placate Gakushuu because he nodded. “Okay.”

Their dad kissed the top of his head. “Make sure to wake me up if Karma wets the bed again.”

“I won’t!” Karma whined, sinking under the covers when he grew embarrassed. “It was an accident last time!”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re a baby!” Gakushuu shot back.

“No, I’m not!” Karma scowled, glaring at the older boy.

_It wasn’t his fault he sometimes forgot to go to the toilet!_

Their dad sighed. “Alright, that’s enough.” He stood up. “Go to bed. Okay?”

Karma stuck his tongue out at his brother, earning a glare from the boy as their dad turned off the main light.

“Goodnight, boys.”

“Goodnight.” Karma snuggled his face into his pillow as the door was closed.

* * *

Karma was sitting on the living room floor while their made was washing the dishes in their babysitter was washing up the dishes. He was busy trying to draw Astroboy when he heard the front open

“Daddy!” Gakushuu rushed off first, he always wanted to be the first to greet him.

“Wait!”Karma quickly grabbed his unfinished picture and rushed after his brother. “Daddy, look what I drew!”

When the two of them rushed into the hallway something made them stop.

Their dad wasn’t smiling or rushing to greet them.

“…Daddy?” Gakushuu repeated more hesitantly.

Their dad didn’t even look at them and walked right passed while carrying a basketball.

Karma looked confused, gripping his picture tight.

* * *

Their babysitter, a nice young woman called Miss Abe, had stayed late to make sure they were tucked in bed since their dad was nowhere to be found.

He hadn’t even come upstairs to read them a story or tuck them in…

Karma chewed on his blanket while he tried to sleep, but he kept tossing and turning, growing more upset until he started to close his eyes from exhaustion... and then snapped them open when the sheets grew damp.

He quickly sat up and felt tears prick his eyes when he saw what had happened. Quietly he tried to get out of bed, knowing if Gakushuu saw he’d tease him.

Karma chewed on his blanket as he headed to find his dad, feeling embarrassed when he thought how annoyed his dad would be.

He frowned worriedly when he saw his dad wasn’t in his parents' bedroom, and quickly wandered downstairs to the next place he would be.

“Daddy?” Karma hesitantly knocked on the door of his dad’s study when he saw the light was one.

His dad didn’t reply.

Karma swallowed a lump in his throat and apprehensively creaked the door open, growing confused when he saw his dad sitting at his desk staring at a basketball.

“…Daddy, I had an accident,” Karma mumbled, hugging his blanket as he walked over. “Can you help me clean it up?”

His dad didn’t respond to him straight away. “…What?”

Karma rubbed his eyes sleepily. “I made a mess. I need help.”

His dad stared at him for a long while. “I see,” his dad replied numbly, staring at the basketball for a long moment while Karma stayed standing in the doorway.

Karma shifted uncomfortably, growing cold. “Daddy—?”

His dad stood up calmly. “Show me the mess.”

Karma felt relieved, leading his father upstairs.

It only took a few minutes for his dad to change the sheets and dress him in his favourite clean dinosaur onesie.

Karma smiled happily and quickly got into bed while his dad stared at him intently. “Thank you.”

His dad hummed, smoothing his hand over the clean sheets for a moment. “You know, you’re a big boy now, Karma, you shouldn’t be wetting the bed.”

Karma tensed, lowering his gaze when he grew embarrassed. “M’sorry—”

“Don’t mumble,” his dad chided sternly, lifting his chin up so he had to look him in the eye. “You should look people in the eye when you speak to them.”

He grimaced, holding his blanket tight. “Okay. Sorry.”

His dad was silent for a bit, gaze cold. “You’re old enough to know how to use the toilet.” He narrowed his eyes. “…If you make a mess again you’ll have to clean it up yourself, do you understand?”

Karma hunched his shoulders up, feeling scared. “Yes.”

His dad stayed silent for a while, looking around the room like he was assessing everything in sight. “…Do you want to be strong, son?”

Karma nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. “Yeah, like Astroboy,” he replied, fidgeting with his blanket. “I wanna be brave and strong like him, like a superhero who saves people.”

His dad smiled but it seemed…off. “Yes. That would be nice.” He stared off at a corner of the room and then paled like he was scared.

“Daddy?” Karma looked at him worried. “Are you okay?”

His dad looked like he’d be sick, staring at the corner of the room like there was some kind of ghost, like in those scary movies he and his brother weren’t allowed to watch.

“Yes, I’m fine.” His dad quickly looked away and placed a clammy hand on Karma’s head. “I just…I understand now.” He stared down at him oddly. “We both need to be stronger. That’s what real strength is.”

Karma frowned, hugging his blanket close when a horrible feeling stated to fester in his stomach. “…Like what?”

His dad didn’t answer and stayed quiet, petting his head briefly. “…I’m not sure.” He sighed. “I thought I knew but…” He looked back at Karma and lifted his chin up. “I’m going to fix this, son.”

Karma hugged his blanket close. “…Fix what?”

“Everything,” his dad replied quietly, there was a weird look in his eye which scared him. “You, Gakushuu. _Everything.”_ His dad’s hand shook a little as he cupped Karma’s face in his hand and smiled. “You and your brother will be _perfect_. Do you understand?”

Karma stayed silent, not understanding at all.

His dad didn’t seem to be paying attention to him properly, something like a wild look in his eye. “You’ll be perfect, that’s what’s important.” His dad stared at him searchingly like he expected him to understand. “No more mistakes. Do you understand?”

Karma shivered, nodding along to what his dad was saying even though he had no idea what he was talking about, but he was scared of what would happen if he disagreed. “Y-yes.”

That seemed like the right answer since his dad looked relieved. “Good.” He smiled, tucking the covers around him. “Everything will be perfect…”

Karma shied away from him, holding his blanket tight as he tried to disappear into the covers, hoping that all this was just a strange dream he’d wake up from and when he did, his dad would be back to normal.

* * *

_When he was four he learned that being strong meant growing up quickly._

“No!” Karma held onto the blanket, crying when his dad tried to take his blanket away from him. “Blanket!”

“Karma, that’s enough,” their dad snapped, making him and Gakushuu flinched. “Let go. _Now.”_

Karma’s vision grew blurry as he obeyed and let go of his blanket, his bottom lip wobbling when the blanket was bunched up and thrown in a black bin back destined for the landfill.

Gakushuu held his hand tight, shaking a little when their dad shoved his brother favourite transformer’s toy in the bin bag. “Why can’t we keep our toys?”

“You're too old for toys, boys,” their dad said matter of factly, shoving Karma’s night light in the bag as well. “You don’t need this clutter.” He sighed, tossing some comic books in the bag as well. "It's time to leave these things in the past so you can reach your full potential."

Karma wiped his eyes and looked confused when their new maid came in with a pile of heavy books in hand.

“Where would like these, sir?”

“On the desk.”

Karma huddled close to his brother when their toys were replaced with piles and piles of books and stationery until that's all there was.

“There.” Their dad smiled and placed a hand on their heads as they looked at their less crowded room. “This is much better.”

Karma sniffled, wiping his eyes as he sucked his thumb and wanted his blanket. 

"Karma, stop that." His dad grabbed his hand roughly, yanking his thumb out. "That's enough, neither of you are babies. You should be acting your age." His eyes narrowed sternly. "And stop crying."

Karma hiccuped and quickly reigned his tears in when he saw the warning look their dad was giving him. 

“What are we supposed to do without toys?” Gakushuu muttered.

“You’ll learn.” Their dad said pleasantly, wandering over to where the maid had left the books. “You both have a lot to catch up on if you want to be prepared for primary school.”

Gakushuu frowned. “But Karma’s four—”

“I’m sure he can start at the same time as you since he was enrolled in kindergarten early.” Their dad didn’t seem to find the age difference a problem. “Your mother wants to work more hours at work anyway.” He smiled at them. “There’s no reason Karma can’t catch-up to your level.”

Karma frowned because he was meant to start school with his friends. “But my friends—”

“I want you both to start with the basics first so I can get a better grasp on your level.” Their dad kept talking, laying the books out. “Then we can run some more tests to check your athletic ability.”

“But, why?” Karma asked.

“So I can determine just how strong you both are.” Their dad smiled at them, but it wasn’t a nice smile. “You should be excited boys.” He placed a hand on both their head as they looked up. “You both are going to be the embodiment of my education, and together, we will raise a generation of strong students to be the pillars of society.”

“What?” Gakushuu started to look scared as Karma hid behind him.

None of what their dad was saying made sense, it just sounded crazy.

Their dad paused, sighing like he was disappointed they didn’t understand straight away. “Boys…” He bent down so he was at eye level with them, pulling Karma from behind his brother. “Do you want to be strong?”

“Yes.” Karma nodded along with his brother.

“And, you want to make me proud don’t you?” Their dad asked lightly.

“Yes,” Gakushuu replied quickly while Karma nodded.

Their dad smiled that strange pleasant smile that didn’t look genuine. “Then listen carefully and do everything I say.”

* * *

Karma sucked on his thumb as he tried to sleep in the dark since their dad said they were too old for nightlights.

“Hey,” he heard his brother whisper and turn on a flashlight. “Are you still awake?”

“Yeah,” Karma mumbled. “I don’t like the dark.”

“…Me neither.” His older brother shifted out of bed and wandered over. “Make room.”

Karma moved over and then snuggled next to his brother when he got into the bed. “Why is dad so different?”

“…I don’t’ know.” Gakushuu frowned, placing the flashlight on the side. “But look.” He pulled out the Astroboy comic and a few other comic books. “I got these before they could be tossed out.”

Karma’s face brightened when he saw, feeling like he had the best big brother in the whole world. “You saved them!”

Gakushuu shushed him. “Yeah, but it’s a secret, okay?”

Karma nodded seriously. “What about my blanket?”

“…Sorry.” His brother patted his head. “It’s gone.”

Karma’s face fell. “Oh…”

“It’s not so bad,” Gakushuu tried to comfort. “I’m sure dad has a good reason.” He frowned, looking unsure. “Maybe we are too old for toys? He just wants what’s best for us, remember?”

Karma hummed, nodding numbly even though he wasn’t quite sure. “I guess…”

He knew growing up was important, but everything was happening so fast it felt confusing.


	2. Fighting your own battles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning, older kids beating up younger kids.

_When he was five years old he learned that being strong meant having power,_

“Karma, stop fidgeting.” Their dad scolded through a tight smile as he escorted them into the fancy party.

Karma scowled, hating the stupid tie around his neck as he and his brother had been forced into ugly matching blue suits. “I don’t like it.”

“That’s enough.” Their dad warned him, narrowing his gaze. “You are to _listen_ and _learn_. I don’t want to hear you speak unless you’re spoken too.” Then he quickly smiled again and bowed to an old man in an expensive suit as he shook his hand. “Ah, Mr Maeda, how are you?”

The old man with glasses smiled. “Fine, by some miracle considering my age.” He chuckled and looked surprised when he saw Karma and Gakushuu. “And these must be your children I’ve heard so much about!”

Their dad smiled pleasantly, placing a hand on their shoulders. “Yes, my oldest is Gakushuu and my youngest is Karma.” He patted Karma’s head. “Boys, this is Mr Maeda, he works closely with The Minister of Education. Don’t be shy now.”

Gakushuu bowed perfectly, smiling pleasantly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

Karma took a deep breath to stay calm and forced a polite smile, bowing appropriately like his dad had taught him. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.” He cringed when the old man laughed and patted him on the head roughly. “Um…”

“Good set of strong boys you have here, Asano.” Mr Maeda looked amused. “My girls are still a handful even though they’re married. I’m jealous.”

Karma frowned, finding the statement strange. 

“You’re too kind.” Their dad smiled politely. “How is your family? I heard you were spending the holidays nearer the mountains this year.”

Karma started to get bored of the conversation when it just seemed like all the adults were talking about was family and expensive holidays. They were using some complicated words he didn’t fully understand, but for some reason Gakushuu seemed to be paying full attention to what was being talked about.

He grimaced, wanting to pull on his tie, hating how uncomfortable he felt being dressed up like this.

Then when Mr Maeda was called away, their dad glanced down at Gakushuu. “What did you learn?”

What?

Karma looked over in confusion.

“He’s been unwell and his daughter’s marriage is in trouble,” Gakushuu responded diligently.

“Huh?” Karma frowned. “How did—?”

“Were you paying attention, Karma?” Their dad asked evenly. “I told you to listen.”

Karma cringed, realising he’d missed the lesson. “Um…” He felt put on the spot, tempted to suck his thumb but knowing he’d be told off. “Uh…”

Their dad sighed. “Pay attention to the next conversation.” He looked over at a thin man in a brown suit who was approaching them. “Ah, Mr Maruyama!”

Karma quickly made sure he paid attention, recognising the man as someone who worked with his dad as a member of the school board.

He tried to listen and observe like his brother, even though the conversation was boring and Mr Maruyama seemed relaxed like he was giving away nothing.

Until his dad asked about some kind of building contract for Kunugigaoka high school.

“Ah.” Mr Maruyama’s smile tightened. “Well, I did want to discuss this with you in the next meeting, since there have been some delays.”

Karma looked at his dad with interest when something in tone shifted. “…Delays?” Their dad repeated lightly, smile still pleasant.

“Yes.” Mr Maruyama’s smile grew tighter. “There was a technical issue with the bidding, I had them file a report—”

“And, you chose to only inform me now?”

Mr Maruyama’s smile shook. “I…I did want to have a full report before—"

“And, the project timeline?” Their dad interjected lightly, not letting him finish his sentences properly.

Mr Maruyama shifted on the spot which was...funny? It just looked funny because this was a grown-up but he was acting like one of their dad’s students. “As said, there is a delay, but I have made adjustments to the project so the delay won’t heavily impact the completion date.”

Their dad hummed, making the man squirm the longer he stared at him; Karma nearly laughed. “How many weeks until the contract completion?”

“A month,” Mr Maruyama replied quickly.

Their dad sighed deeply. “A month…” He placed a hand on Karma’s head. “I’m not sure that can work.” He smiled at his youngest. “Karma, do you think a month is adequate?”

Karma looked up in surprise that he was being asked. “Huh?”

Mr Maruyama looked like he’d choke. “S-sir, what on Earth—?”

“Well, I do need a second opinion,” their dad remarked lightly, causing Gakushuu to smirk.

“The boy’s _five!”_ The man spluttered, causing Karma to grin.

Their dad just smiled and stroked Karma’s head. “Well, son? Do you think a month is suitable?”

Karma looked at his dad curiously and then looked at Mr Maruyama who was sweating and felt…like he had power. Like his decision was important.

A spark of something like…what was that word? _Sadistic._ He had read it in the dictionary.

“…No.” Karma smiled, looking up at Mr Maruyama pleasantly. “That’s too long!”

Mr Maruyama choked. “I—”

“I agree,” their dad replied brightly, patting Karma on the head like he was proud. “How long do you think it should take, son?”

Karma hummed, thinking about it as he fought back a smile when he saw that Mr Maruyama was looking at him like he was afraid.

He’d never seen anyone afraid of him before. _Especially a grown-up!_

Karma’s smile grew, the spark of sadism growing. “A week!”

Mr Maruyama looked like he’d faint. “What?!”

“Yes, that sounds much better.” Their dad replied, smiling. “Very good, Karma.”

_His dad was proud of him!_

Karma beamed proudly while Mr Maruyama choked in the background.

“S-sir, please, that won’t be possible!” Mr Maruyama looked like he’d cry. “I’d need more time for—”

“Nonsense, I’m sure you and your staff can pull the overtime,” their dad replied lightly, already steering him and his brother away. “I’ll make sure my secretary sends out a notice to the rest of the board.”

Karma laughed, earning a nudge from Gakushuu.

“Do you see why it’s important to listen and learn, Karma?” their dad asked lightly.

“Yeah!” Karma nodded, wanting to laugh more when he saw Mr Maruyama drag himself off to a corner. “It was fun.”

“It was amusing,” their dad admitted, brushing some hair out his face. “But the purpose is to learn.” He tilted Karma’s chin up, causing him to strain his neck. “You have to keep your guard up, be aware of everything and yourself. Do you understand?”

Karma’s smile wavered, frowning a little. “…Yes.”

He didn’t fully get it but his dad kept saying that keeping your guard up meant presenting only the best part of yourself and being alert like anything or anyone could attack them.

“Good.” Their dad seemed satisfied, giving his head another pat. “Then let’s continue. There are more people we need to meet.”

* * *

Karma chewed on his thumb as Gakushuu quietly read their Astroboy comic book as a bedtime story, finally reaching the end for what felt like the hundredth time; no matter how many times he heard it, it still felt comforting each time for some reason.

He liked reading about Astroboy defeating the villain and saving the day, even if it was repetitive. It felt like Astroboy could do anything like his dad…

Karma chewed on his thumb more, remembering how powerful his dad had seemed at the party, like he knew all the answers. Sometimes he wondered if his dad was a superhero because of how strong he was and was always in control.

“Hey, don’t suck your thumb.” His older brother chided quietly, frowning. “You know what dad says.”

“No.” Karma scowled and turned away when his brother tried to yank the thumb from his mouth. “I like it.”

“You’re not a baby.” Gakushuu sighed, closing the comic book.

Karma huffed, pulling the covers up around him. “I don’t care.”

His brother shook his head and sat up. “Go to sleep.”

He frowned, chewing on his thumb as he laid down. “…Shuu?”

“Yeah?” Gakushuu picked the flashlight off the bedside table.

“Do you think dad was really proud of us today?” Karma asked quietly, second-guessing.

Gakushuu seemed to think about it for a few seconds. “Yes. I think so.” He smirked. “It was funny seeing Mr Maruyama scared.”

“Yeah.” Karma grinned. “It was.”

Seeing a grown-up, someone who was meant to be strong nervous and scared was funny. Like Karma was the one in control for once.

“Dad thought it was funny…” Karma frowned faintly. “Shuu…” His brow crease more. “Do you think dad still loves us?”

Gakushuu’s eyes widened briefly before he smiled reassuringly. “Of course he does.” But something about his smile was off like dad’s. “He’s doing all this because he loves us.” His brother tucked him in properly. “He’s still our dad.”

Karma felt his doubt fester, lowering his gaze. “He doesn’t act like it…”

He couldn’t remember the last time his dad had hugged them or spent time with them unless it was to do with learning a lesson.

His brother stayed quiet, smoothing out the wrinkles in the covers. “…Just go to sleep.” Gakushuu’s smile was tight like Mr Maruyama’s. “Okay?”

“…Okay,” Karma muttered even though he wanted to push, not liking his brother lack of confirmation. “G’night.”

“Goodnight.” His brother hid the comic book underneath his mattress before turning off the flashlight.

* * *

_When he was six years old he learned strength was about fighting your own battles._

Making friends was hard… and he didn’t like how Gakushuu seemed to make it easy.

“Is he really six?” His brother’s new friend, Ren Sakakibara, said while slurping some milk and looking at Karma like he was an exotic animal. The three of them on the playground during break time.

Karma glared at him, already disliking him. “Yeah, so?”

Unlike the other kids his brother hung out with that Karma liked to dub ‘The minions’, Sakakibara actually seemed to be his brother’s friend, which made him even more annoying.

The boy with the stupid haircut smirked. “Aw, so he’s a baby.”

Gakushuu snorted while Karma scowled. “Yeah, he is.”

“No, I’m not!” Karma shoved his brother. “I’m not a baby!”

Sakakibara laughed. “Your voice sounds like one.”

Gakushuu smirked. “Yeah, like a squeaky duck.”

“Shut up!” Karma snapped, glaring at them when the two boys laughed.

* * *

His brother and his new friend were horrible all day, they kept making jokes about Karma being a baby which made him want to throw a book at Sakakibara.

Karma stayed away from them at break time, which meant he didn’t really have anyone to hang out with…

He frowned, standing alone in the playground while the other kids were playing and acting like he wasn’t there.

Karma fidgeted, not sure what to do. He didn’t really understand the games the other kids were playing anymore or their jokes, and he knew his brother didn’t understand as well but for some reason, Gakushuu was better at pretending and the other kids seemed to believe him… or maybe it was because he was older and the same age as the other kids?

A year wasn’t a big age gap…six wasn’t that different to seven or eight.

He scowled, kicking a stone. “It can’t be that hard…”

Karma looked around the playground, trying to find someone to approach as he wandered around, most of the boys were already in groups, with a lot of them hanging out with his brother already.

His gaze settled on three girls from a different class when he saw one girl reading some kind of manga that had a picture of a blond girl in a sailor school uniform, while the rest of the girls were playing with some dolls.

“Hi…” He greeted when he walked over, causing the four girls to look up in surprise. “What are you reading?”

The girl reading the manga, short with light brown hair pulled into a ponytail looked up curiously. “It’s called Sailor Moon.” She smiled. “It’s really good!”

He’d seen that name before, somewhere on an advertisement, the character had been blond like on the manga cover.

“Oh, cool.” Karma tried to think of more to say; he couldn’t remember actually talking to girls properly. “I like comic books.”

Comic books and manga were the same right?

“Oh, me too.” The girl smiled, causing him to relax. “My name’s, Caine Akina.”

“Mine’s…” He debated saying his first name, everyone in class called his brother Asano, and they rarely even spoke to him. “Karma.”

“Karma?” Another girl with long black hair snorted. “That’s a weird name.”

“Haya!” Her friend, a small girl with glasses an pigtails chided. “Don’t be mean.”

Haya shrugged, regarding Karma. “It’s a weird name.”

Karma scowled. “Well so is yours.”

Haya bristled. “No, it’s not!”

“Don’t fight,” Caine said, frowning. “You’re the one who made fun of his name first.”

Haya huffed, crossing her arms. “ ‘Cause it’s true.”

Karma scowled and wanted to storm off but then the girl with glasses smiled at him. “My name’s Okuda Manami,” she said shyly, holding her doll close. “Do you want to play with us?”

Karma regarded the dolls hesitantly since it had been a long time since he’d played with toys. “…Okay.” He forced a smile. “What are we pretending?”

The Okuda girl smiled and passed him a doll who was wearing a cool red leather jacket. “My doll’s a scientist and we’re all friends going on an adventure.”

Karma sat down with them and looked at the doll curiously. “Well, mine has a motorcycle so he—she can drive us there!” He grinned, making the doll walked over to them as Haya huffed and sat back down to join in with the game again.

* * *

“Why were you playing with _dolls_?” An ugly boy from their class, Hiroshi, asked obnoxiously when their lesson ended for lunch.

Karma frowned, pausing from taking out his lunch box. “Because it was fun.”

He liked dressing the dolls in nice bright clothes and being creative with their hair. He liked that he could make up his own stories for them as well so they could be princesses or politicians if he wanted.

“Dolls are for _girls,”_ another boy taunted from the desk next to his.

Karma frowned, growing defensive. “No, they’re not.” He scowled. “That’s stupid, and anyway, it’s none of your business!”

For some reason that made the other boys angry. “It is if you’re a Fa—”

They jumped when Gakushuu slammed his lunchbox on Karma’s desk. “A _what_?”

“Yeah, what were you gonna call Asano’s brother?” Sakakibara grinned, leaning against Gakushuu as two of his brothers other minions, Matsuda and Nakano, walked over while cracking their knuckled.

“Yeah.” Matsuda smiled and cracked his knuckles. “ _Go on_.”

Hiroshi gulped. “Um…I-I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“Yeah,” his ugly friend added quickly, lowering his gaze. “We were just joking.”

Gakushuu smiled pleasantly. “Oh, that’s fine then!” He placed a hand on Karma’s head. “Well, we’re gonna have lunch now.”

“So get lost,” Nakano said bluntly, looking ready to punch them.

He boys flinched before scampering off.

“Pfft, what a bunch of losers,” Matsuda said, pulling up a chair.

Gakushuu hummed and looked down at Karma. “Are you okay?”

Karma frowned a little, feeling embarrassed. “I’m fine.” He blushed. “They weren’t gonna hurt me, I can handle it.”

_He didn’t need his brother always sweeping in to save him like he was some helpless baby!_

Gakushuu hummed, sitting next to him. “Why were you playing with dolls anyway?”

Karma scowled, taking out his lunch. “Because I wanted to.” He glared at his brother. “I don’t care if people think it’s girly.”

_Dolls were just like action figures, so what was the big deal?_

Sakakibara seemed to think it was funny and laughed. “Well, as long as you’re not embarrassed.”

Karma scowled and ate his lunch so he could resist the urge to insult him.

* * *

Karma didn’t care if the other boys thought it was weird and kept going to play dolls with the nice girls from the other class.

“Should they go to work part next?” Okuda asked brightly when it was just the two of them playing dolls that day under a tree, since Haya and Caine were off skipping with another group of girls.

“Yeah.” Karma put his doll into a pose, dressing her up in a pretty dress. “She’s gonna be an ambassador today and go to a fancy party!”

Okuda smiled and nodded. “But then there’s a virus that gets released and poisons all the guests!”

Karma grinned. “Yeah, so we have to find the antidote.” He grabbed another doll and pretended that she was choking on poison. “Ah! It’s in my lungs! Ugh! Cough, cough!”

Okuda giggled and quickly had her doll rush over. “Don’t worry, I have the antidote!” She had the doll try to save the other. “Don’t be scared, this will work just—”

Someone threw an acorn at Okuda’s head, interrupting their game. Followed by some laughter.

Karma looked up in alarm when he saw Hiroshi and his two other friends standing close by holding some acorns and looking smug.

“Oops.” Hiroshi smirked while Okuda rubbed her head. “Sorry.”

Karma eyes narrowed when he felt a spark of anger. “What was that for?”

“We’re just playing,” one of the boy’s friends, Fakuda, said snidely.

“Yeah.” Hiroshi threw an acorn at Karma’s arm. “It’s a game.” His smile grew. “It’s called hit the losers.”

Okuda winced, ducking her head. “That’s not nice.” She winced when they threw another acorn at her. “Hey! Stop it!”

“Yeah!” Karma quickly stood in front of her protectively. “Leave her alone!”

“Why, is she your girlfriend?” Fakuda teased, causing the other boys to laugh.

“I thought gays didn’t have girlfriends?” The third boy, Kaneko, teased.

What did ‘gay’? Was it some kind of insult?

Karma hadn’t heard of the word before but he didn’t like how they were speaking. “Go away!”

Hiroshi narrowed his eyes, walking over. “Or what? Are you gonna go crying to your brother?” He towered over Karma but that didn’t make him back down. “I’m not scared of him.” He looked angry and shoved Karma’s shoulder. “I bet he’s gay too, just like you—”

“Shut up!” Karma shoved him back hard, feeling his anger threaten to boil over

He tried to hit Hiroshi, only to be punched in the stomach as the older boy grabbed him and sunk his fish into Karma’s jaw.

* * *

Their dad has been disappointed when Karma came home with a bruised face and a letter from the teacher to sign.

“Dad, why are we here?” Gakushuu looked worried, the two of them standing barefoot on mats in the private section of the dojo he’d taken them to that they’d never been to before; the two of them dressed in PE gear.

There were two older boys who looked around twelve practicing in a corner doing some stretches, and a caretaker wiping down some equipment.

Their dad regarded the two of them for a moment before gesturing them to come over. “Do you know why I brought you to this place?”

Karma swallowed a lump in his throat. “Because I got into a fight?”

“More importantly because you lost the fight,” their dad corrected evenly.

Karma sniffled, rubbing the bruise on his face. “He started it,” he mumbled stubbornly, resisting the urge to suck his thumb when their dad’s gaze stayed cold. “He made fun of Shuu and was being mean to my friend.”

“Does Gakushuu need you to fight his battles?” Their dad asked lightly. “And much less lose them.”

“…No.” Karma scowled, not looking at his older brother. “But he was making fun of Shuu…”

Their dad stayed quiet for a moment. “…Your brother should be strong enough to fight his own battles, however, I can understand the need for family loyalty and protecting the family name.” He frowned. “Needless to say the matter should have been handled more delicately.” He lifted his chin to examine the bruise on Karma’s face. “When a member of the strong beats their enemies into submission they do so by making sure they don’t suffer the consequences.”

Karma frowned a little as he tried to follow-along with what his dad was saying considering the man was using very complicated words. “…So I should have had a fight with them in secret?”

“That would have been smarter.” Their dad’s gaze narrowed. “But more importantly, you shouldn’t have lost.”

He grimaced, growing ashamed. “I didn’t mean to lose, but they were bigger than—”

“Then you should have known better than to pick a fight you were too weak to win,” their father replied coldly. “All you did is prove that you’re weak.”

Karma cringed, blinking quickly to hold back some tears.

Their dad looked around the dojo briefly. “But to answer the original question, this place we are in now is where I defeated a black belt in karate when I beat my sensei into submission.” He smiled at them thinly. “And do you know how long it took for me to do so?” They shook their heads. “On my third day of Karate.”

Karma’s gaze widened in awe. “Three days!”

Gakushuu looked amazed. “How?”

Sometimes Karma wondered if his dad was a superhero because of how strong he was, it was like he could do anything!

He smiled pleasantly. “By understanding that if I lost the humiliation would kill me.”

Karma tensed, his admiration turning to horror. “What?”

“Boys, there are two types of people in this world, the strong and the weak.” Their father smiled thinly. “Those who fail and can’t fight their own battles don’t deserve to sit on the same stage as the strong. They’re cast off and left to die.” His smile vanished when his expression grew closed off. “I trust that isn’t what you boys want?”

Karma shivered as Gakushuu stood in front of him protectively. “No,” he said firmly. “We want to be strong.”

“Y-yeah!” Karma said quickly, forcing himself to be brave. “We can do it.”

Their dad stared at them for a long moment, reaching out to gently trace the bruise on Karma’s face. “…I know you can.” His smile returned, causing Karma to relax. “I know you both are capable of being stronger than I ever was.”

Karma smiled at the praise. “Really?”

“Of course.” Their dad nodded. “I’m good friends with owner of the dojo and he was kind enough to take you on as students, you’ll be learning martial arts here from now on.”

Karma felt a swell of excitement. “So we can be black belts as well?”

Their dad smiled. “Yes.” He waved at the two older boys who had been practicing. “Ishikawa, Fujita, would you please come over?”

Karma looked over curiously as the older boys approached; one of them was tall and lankier while the second had dark hair and was stockier.

“Ishikawa and Fujita are first year students at my school,” their dad said lightly while the older boys regarded them warily. “They’ve been kind enough to spar with you.”

Karma felt the blood drain from his face. “What?”

Gakushuu looked horrified. _“_ Dad, Karma’s _six_ he can’t—”

“ _Gakushuu_ , that’s enough.” Dad silenced him with a sharp look. “Karma’s old enough to fight his own battles, he doesn’t need you holding him back.” Their dad smiled at Karma, cupping the boy’s cheek. “You want to be strong, don’t you, son?”

Karma wanted to shrink away, but he felt pinned by his dad’s gaze who was looking at him expectantly.

He couldn’t run away, only cowards ran away. Only cowards admitted defeat.

“Y-yes.” Karma swallowed a lump in his throat as he nodded, not seeing any other option. “I wanna be strong…”

Their dad looked proud and smiled. “Good.”

The two older boys looked uncomfortable. “Um, sir?”

“Yes, Fujita?” Their dad addressed the stockier boy.

“Um, well, aren’t they a little young?” Fujita looked nervous.

“Yeah.” The lankier one, Ishikawa, frowned. “You didn’t say we’d be fighting babies…um, I’m not sure—”

“My sons want to learn how to be strong, just as you and your classmates wish.” Their dad looked undeterred. “Are you saying you don’t want to fight them?” Their dad’s tone shifted to something colder, causing the four boys to collectively tense. “No one here is being forced to fight anyone after all.” Their dad sighed. “But I would be disappointed if that were the case since it would make this a wasted journey.”

Fujita yelped. “U-uh, we didn’t say that, it’s just—”

Ishikawa pinched him when their dad raised an eyebrow. “If you say it’s fine, then there’s no problem, sir.”

The stockier boy grimaced. “Uh, yeah, we trust you, sir.”

Their dad’s smile sharpened. “Ah, wonderful, then there shouldn’t be a problem.” He turned to Karma and Gakushuu. “Boys, are you ready?”

_No!_

Karma gulped, looking at the older boys and then his dad’s expectant gaze, weighing up which one he was more afraid of.

“…Yes.”

* * *

Ishikawa and Fujita weren’t allowed to hit them on the face, but everything else was freegame.

Karma couldn’t move when he collapsed on the mat, his whole body bruised up and tired. Everything hurt and his eyes were stinging badly as he held back tears.

“Get up.”

The Fujita boy kicked him.

“Get up!”

He needed to get up, it was only still the first day of their lesson and he needed to stand up.

Karma scrunched his eyes closed, feeling scared.

Gakushuu was coughing and shaking badly, looking like he’d cry.

He wanted to cry as well, even if his dad would get mad.

Karma looked over at his dad who was watching them calmly from the sidelines; he’d be disappointed if they failed again.

“Get up!” Fujita snapped, sounding nervous, like he was scared. “We’re not finished!”

The Fujita boy kicked him again.

_Why wouldn’t he stop kicking him!?_

Karma gritted his teeth as new feeling started to smother his fear. He started to get angry like when Hiroshi was throwing acorns at Okuda or when they’d laughed just because he liked playing with the dolls, or when Sakakibara wouldn’t stop calling him a baby.

The older boy kicked him again, bruising his ribs more until finally, it made him snap.

Karma lunged at the boy’s leg like a rabid dog, screaming and punching the older boy repeatedly where he could.

“Get off!” Fujita looked at him like he was a wild animal and shoved him off.

Karma attacked him again, biting down hard on his arm until he drew blood, making the other boy scream.

“Enough.” Their dad finally stepped in while Karma was shaking on the floor.

“He bit me!” Fujita clutched his arm. “Sir, he…” The boy trailed off when their dad shot him a cold look, silencing the two older boys.

Karma flinched when his dad bent down and placed a hand on his head, expecting to be punished, but instead, his dad gently stroked his head and smiled.

“ _Good_.” His dad praised while Karma looked lost. “It looks like we’ve made some progress.”

* * *

On day two they watched and listened while sitting on the sidelines with their dad, watching karate class after karate class.

Karma couldn’t stop shaking for some reason, staring at his knuckles which were bruised from punching Fujita repeatedly.

He felt like he’d lost control, his anger turning overpowering and suffocating.

His dad placed a hand on his head, grounding him back to where he was. “Pay attention, Karma.”

Karma clenched his hands tight, trying not to think of anything else but what was in front of him.

If he didn’t learn he’d lose, and he wasn’t allowed to lose.

* * *

When day three came, Karma couldn’t stop trembling, standing above Fujita’s unconscious body while Gakushuu kicked Ishiwawa to the ground.

“Well done, boys.” Their dad stroked their heads gently. “Karma, you seem to have a talent for this.”

Karma couldn’t stop staring at Fujita and feeling almost…proud?

He should be proud shouldn’t he? Their dad was proud.

 _He had a talent for it._ He was strong.

“We won,” Gakushuu said shakily, looking like he’d pass out while their dad held them steady with the hand on their heads.

“Yes, you did,” their dad replied lightly.

“We’re strong,” Karma mumbled, feeling out of sorts as he tried to process what he’d done, staring at his knuckles which were bruised badly, skin cracked.

“…Well, I wouldn’t quite say that.” Their dad sounded almost amused as Karma relaxed when his dad stroked the back of his head like a dog being scratched behind the ears. “But…we’re getting there.”

* * *

Gakushuu didn’t want to read the comic books anymore, so Karma read them alone at night, keeping the flashlight by his bedside.

The story didn’t quite feel the same though, and the more he re-read the adventures, the more he started to realise his dad wasn't a superhero. 


	3. There was something wrong with him

_When he eight years old he understood being strong meant dominating over others,_

Karma drove his fist into Hiroshi’s jaw repeatedly while the boy was on the ground while they were behind the school.

It felt great like all his problems were gone and the only thing that mattered was what was directly in front of him.

Hiroshi was spitting blood as Karma cracked his knuckles against the boy’s lopsided nose.

His fists hurt, but that didn’t matter.

He was teaching the boy a lesson. _When you misbehaved or did something bad, there were consequences,_ that’s what his dad always said. _That’s how you learned._

 _He was educating him with his fists!_ That made him giggle a little when he thought about it.

“Karma, stop!” His teacher, Mr Ando, ran over. “Karma!”

Karma frowned and looked up calmly at his panicked teacher. “Sir?”

Mr Ando dragged him off the boy. “Oh, my, God!”

Karma stayed silent and watched his teacher fawn over the boy like he was dead.

Which he wasn’t, he’d never hurt him that bad.

* * *

“You’re lucky I was able to smooth things over, Karma.” Their dad lectured while they were outside. “The boy may have had it coming but I thought I told you to be discreet?”

Karma shivered from where he was knelt on the outside patio. He gritted his teeth when his hands stared to go numb in the bucket of ice. His hand burned from the cold but he bit back his complaints, understanding that was part of the punishment.

Gakushuu refilled the bucket with more ice when it started to melt. “We’re out of ice, dad.”

Their dad looked annoyed. “Then go get some more.”

Karma gritted his teeth harder, wondering how much longer he’d had to put up with this.

His older brother frowned. “But it’s been thirty minutes, what if he gets frostbite?”

Thankfully, their dad seemed to consider this. “Hm. Karma, hands.”

Karma felt relieved when he lifted his pink hands up.

Their dad hummed and pinched the skin hard until Karma winced. “He’s fine. Go get some more ice,” he ordered and then looked down at his youngest. “Hands back in.”

Karma scowled and winced when he put his hands back in the ice while his brother hesitantly went back inside to get more.

“You need to be more disciplined with your temper, Karma,” his dad scolded, sighing. “Gakushuu never gets into fights, and do you know why?”

 _Because he’s perfect_ , a bitter thought entered his head.

Karma quickly felt guilty for thinking it and tried to push it away. “No…”

“Because he keeps a level head, he doesn’t allow his emotions to control him.”

“But, I wasn’t angry,” Karma tried to argue, looking up. “Well, maybe at the start but…”

He didn’t know how to explain it…

It felt like he was channelling all his feelings into his fists and breaking down a large wall, gaining satisfaction from each crack and dent made.

His dad seemed curious though. “Hands up,” he instructed and then gestured for him to stand. “Explain what you mean.”

“He deserved it and…” Karma frowned, fidgeting with his hands when he tried to warm them. “And it felt good punching him.” He lowered is gaze. “…I liked it.”

“…You liked it?” His dad repeated calmly.

“Yeah.” He nodded, feeling a pit in his stomach, scared that there was something wrong with him. “…Is that bad?”

His martial arts teachers always looked upset or angry if he took the lessons too far and hit the other students too had.

There was a long pause as his father stared at him and then gently lifted his jaw up so he had to look at him. “Not if he deserved it,” he replied evenly. “Is that why you always want to fight the bigger children at the dojo?”

Karma nodded, wondering if he’d get into trouble. “Yeah…”

His dad hummed, staring at him curiously, not looking upset or angry like the other adults had been. “In that case, I don’t see anything wrong with it.” He smiled slightly. “So long as it’s the _right_ people.”

“Like bullies?” Karma ventured, looking at his dad for assurance. “Like with what you do with the ant ratio theory?”

His dad was always telling him and his brother how the Kunugigaoka School system worked by putting all the bad students in one class so the others could be protected and the bad students could be punished by the good ones.

Like how he protected Okuda who would normally be picked on for being smart; kind of like a superhero.

“Yes.” His father smiled, letting go of his jaw. “It is like that.” He petted his head. “Sometimes the thugs of society need to be punished so they’re kept in their place, like what you did with Hiroshi.”

Karma nodded, feeling relieved when he realised he was in the right. “So, I wasn’t bad?”

“…No, though fighting in school is still wrong.” His dad frowned. “While violence has its place, you should be aware that such things will jeopardise your future, which is why it should be kept in the dojo or other appropriate spaces.” his dad lectured. “If you want to be a politician, you’ll need to dominate more appropriately.”

Karma nodded, knowing he shouldn’t have gotten caught. “Okay.”

“Good.” His dad seemed satisfied, staring at him thoughtfully for a moment. “Perhaps it’s best you take more martial arts lessons with the older students.”

“Yeah.” Karma smiled when he imagined beating up the older kids and showing them how strong he was. “That’d be fun.”

His dad stared at him curiously, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable and just patted his head. “Yes, I suppose it will…”

* * *

“The two of them really are exceptional,” their teacher, Mr Ando, wouldn’t stop praising them at the parent-teacher meeting. “Gakushuu hasn’t gotten a mark below 100% since he started my class.” He smiled at Gakushuu. “And Karma is such a fast learner. It’s amazing.”

Karma felt himself smiling,and glanced up at his dad who was smiling pleasantly and nodding along. “You’re too kind,” their dad replied. “I know they do enjoy being in your class.”

That was because Mr Ando’s lessons were always fun. Karma grinned when he remembered the rocketships he’d had the class make and then the volcanos they’d built.

Mr Ando looked at Gakushuu and then Karma, shifting through the homework and practice test scores that had perfect marks on them. “I’ve never seen students get perfect marks so consistently.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Honestly, I’ve had to up my game this year just to keep up with their questions.”

Karma grinned, remembering when he’d put the man through the wringer asking for more gory details on world history.

“I was originally worried Karma wouldn’t be able to keep up,” Mr Ando said, smiling at Karma warmly. “But he’s got a better grasp on the curriculum than the older students,” he praised, causing Karma to blush a little. “You and your wife must be proud.”

Their dad just smiled while Karma and his brother looked up at him anxiously. “…As expected.” He patted them both on the head, causing Karma to smile in relief. “But are there any areas for improvement? I know there were some issues early in the year with Karma’s behaviour.”

Karma shifted in his seat a little, growing anxious again.

 _He’d been good this year so far!_ He’d only gotten in that _one_ fight at the start of the school year, and he hadn’t tried to pull nay pranks even though Okuda had helped him make sticky slime to mess with.

“Well…” Mr Ando’s smile grew sympathetic. “Gakushuu has fallen asleep in class once or twice.”

“Really?” Their dad’s voice was light, which was not a good sign. “I wasn’t aware of that.”

Karma grimaced when he looked over at his brother worriedly, watching as Gakushuu paled like he’d be sick.

Mr Ando’s smile wavered briefly when concern ticked across his face. “Nothing to be concerned about of course,” he added quickly. “Gakushuu’s very diligent in class.” He smiled again. “I think he just overworks himself a little too much – I’d advise on a stricter bedtime maybe?”

“Yes, of course.” Their dad nodded, smiling. “I think that’s best.”

Karma tried not to scowl since they barely had enough free time as it was and night time was the only time they could relax!

And, even then most of the time they were up late was completing those stupid test and homework assignments their dad gave them.

“Is there anything else?” their dad asked, seeming to want every detail.

 _He just wants an excuse to punish us_ , a spiteful voice rang in his ear.

Karma frowned and tried not to think like that because their dad only punished them for good reasons because he wanted them to grow up strong… well, at least that was what Gakushuu kept saying.

Mr Ando paused, tapping his finger against a file. “I don’t believe so…” He wasn’t looking at their dad. “Nothing to be concerned about.”

“I’d still like to be aware.” Their dad insisted, placing a hand on Karma’s head as the red-head shrank a little. “No matter how small the detail.”

Karma’s stomach lurched, quickly reviewing his behaviour in Mr Ando’s class again, trying to pick up where he’d been bad, and then tensed when he remembered the doodles he’d done.

Mr Ando paused, hesitantly opening up the folder. “Well, there was one thing I wanted to mention, about maybe Karma taking part in an art competition.”

That made the three of them pause, as his dad looked intrigued. “…An art competition?”

“Yes.” Mr Ando smiled and took out Karma’s class notebooks which only confirmed his fear. “Karma seems very creative.” He opened up Karma’s maths notebook on a page which showed an astronaut shooting lasers at some aliens in the shape of algebra questions.

Their dad dug his nails into his scalp, making the boy nearly wince. “So, he’s graffitiing on his book.” He took the History book from the pile and narrowed his eyes when he skimmed through and saw a drawing of Sakakibara in a fancy princess dress. “And mocking his classmates.”

“I wasn’t mocking him!” Karma said quickly, knowing he was in trouble. “I was making him look better!”

“Why is he in a dress?” Gakushuu questioned in alarm.

Karma blushed. “Because it looks nice.”

_Sometimes he thought the more feminine-looking boys in class would look funny and prettier in dresses! What was wrong with that?!_

Their dad’s lips set in a thin line when he looked through the book and saw more fairytale themed drawings of some of his classmates in fancy dresses from different Japanese era’s, while Okuda as a witch, and Gakushuu as an ice warrior with a horse.

“I apologise, Mr Ando.” Their dad snapped the book shut, causing Karma to flinch. “I’ll make sure this behaviour is corrected.”

Mr Ando’s eyes widened. “Oh, he’s not in trouble!” he added quickly. “I actually like how he turned the questions into monsters.” He chuckled, turning to another page that showed a triangle shooting lasers from its eye. “This is the hypotenuse theory, correct?”

Karma nodded nervously. “Yeah…”

“It’s really quite good.” Mr Ando admired the work. “Each notebook has its own theme which is tied to the subject one way or another.”

Their dad cleared his throat. “Yes, but there is a time and a place, don’t you think?”

Mr Ando looked sheepish. “Oh, yes, I agree.” He closed the book. “That’s why I was thinking it would be better he entered a few art sketch competitions.” He smiled, taking out a flyer from his drawer. “He seems to like drawing in a manga style, which would make him perfect for this.”

Karma quickly looked at the flyer as it was held up, it was for a competition that was taking place next week, he’d seen some flyers around the school but it wasn’t anything official, just a small event.

“The winner gets a voucher to use at any Manga or Anime store in the city,” Mr Ando explained. “I think it would be a fun way for Karma to put his talent to use.”

“Really?” Karma perked up when Mr Ando called it a talent, considering the drawings in his opinion weren’t that good. He couldn’t draw hands properly so all his doodles had block hands that looked like a fist and the proportions were off.

He’d never really considering it a skill since he just did it when he was stressed or bored.

“Yes, of course.” Mr Ando smiled and held out the flyer for him to take. “Would you like to give it a go?”

“Yeah.” Karma smiled and nodded, reaching out to take the flyer.

Their dad swiftly swiped the flyer before he could grab it. “We’ll have to see.” He smiled at their teacher who was frowning. “Karma and his brother have _many_ important competitions coming up, so I’m not sure if he’ll have the time.”

Karma’s smile faded as he watched his dad fold the flyer into his inside suit pocket. “I can do both!”

Their dad discreetly pinched the back of his neck warningly, keeping his hand there. “And, as creative as the drawings may be, I wouldn’t encourage vandalising school books considering it’s against the school rules.”

Mr Ando’s frown grew. “Well, yes…” He glanced at Karma briefly. “I was only suggesting it might be a good outlet…drawing can help a lot with stress and—”

“I assure you Karma has plenty of those outlets,” Their dad interjected pleasantly. “In fact, he has a martial arts competition coming up shortly.” He smiled at Karma. “That’ll deal with any pent-up energy.”

“…I see.” Mr Ando started to look concerned, fiddling with the edge of the folder. “That sounds very good, though…” The smile on his face was strained. “Considering Karma has had issues in the past of getting in fights with older students, perhaps a more non-violent outlet would be better?”

Karma’s eyes widened in alarm and glanced up at his dad as a tense silence settled between them, the pleasant smile on his dad’s face fading into a cold look.

“I’m not sure what you’re implying, Mr Ando?” their dad remarked.

Mr Ando clenched his hands tight on the desk, seemingly trying to hide his nerves. “I just mean, that, maybe Karma needs an alternative outlet to channelling his feelings?” he replied slowly. “It’s just…Karma, would you please repeat what you told me about how you felt when you fought that Hiroshi boy?”

Karma stiffened but tried to look relaxed. “…About what?”

“About how you felt while you were beating that boy up,” Mr Ando said stiffly, staring at their dad warily.

Karma was quiet for a moment when he tried to remember their conversation. “…That it felt good?”

“Yes,” Mr Ando said, looking worried again. “And what else did it make you feel? You weren’t upset or scared while you were doing it, were you?”

“No.” He was never scared during fights. “I was happy.” It made him feel relaxed like all his problems melted away. “And I felt better afterwards.” Pounding his fist into the boy’s face felt therapeutic. “I wasn’t scared.”

From the corner of his eyes, Gakushuu frowned, looking concerned.

Mr Ando meanwhile looked disturbed, which made Karma frown. “Yes, so as you can see, I just think—”

“Hiroshi?” Their dad hummed like he didn’t already know who that was. “He was that boy who bullied you, wasn’t he, son?”

Karma nodded, glancing up. “Yeah, but not anymore.”

Now Hiroshi flinched every time Karma looked at him, a lot of the meaner kids did, even the girls who used to bully Okuda stopped once she became friends with Karma. No one dared bully him for playing with dolls now.

Their dad smiled thinly, stroking his head gently like he normally did when Karma had made him proud. “Yes, I expect so. I believe I already discussed this issue with the Principal when it arose.” He smiled at Mr Ando who just looked more confused. “It’s only natural Karma would be happy that he stood up to his bully.” Then their father frowned. “To be honest, I’m concerned that it leads to the point where my son was forced to defend himself.”

Mr Ando frowned. “Mr Asano—”

“Perhaps if this Hiroshi boy had been removed from the school earlier, my son wouldn’t have been forced to take violent measures?” their dad said lightly. “That’s why I think it’s important he knows how to fight his own battles, and Karma enjoys martial arts. Don’t you, son?”

“Yeah,” Karma replied, leaning into the hand stroking his head like he was a puppy. “I like it.”

He liked beating up older kids at the dojo, even if he sometimes got told off for taking it too far; like when he’d broken a senpai’s wrist because they’d made him angry. But, regardless, it was one of the rare times he felt all his stress go away as the adrenaline pumped through his veins.

…Drawing was still nice though, it was just a different way of relieving stress, one more relaxing.

Mr Ando looked disturbed for some reason. “…I see.” He looked at Karma and then their dad like he was putting some pieces together. “I’m…I’m glad you have a hobby you enjoy, Karma, but—"

“Exactly.” Their dad interrupted, smiling. “So, I don’t really believe there’s an issue here.” He looked at Mr Ando pointedly at the teacher sighed. “Though your insight is appreciated, I think what my son’s do outside of your classroom doesn’t really need your input.”

Mr Ando looked nervous. “No, of course, it was just a suggestion—”

“One that I’m sure was made from concern and It reassures me that my boys are under the care of someone who truly values their future.” Their dad’s smile was cheerful. “A true sign of a dedicated educator.”

Mr Ando’s smile was still strained. “That’s very kind of you to say, Mr Asano…”

Their dad’s smile was bordering on condescending. “You’re welcome.” He checked his watch. “But now we really must be going.” He stood up and adjusted cufflinks and suit as Karma and his brother stood up as well. “Thank you so much for your time.”

“And yours.” Mr Ando shook their dad’s hand, smile straining when their dad clenched the teacher’s hand tight.

Their dad smiled brightly like he wasn’t crushing their teacher’s hand. “Until next time.”

* * *

“How insulting.” Their dad ripped up the flyer when they were in the black car with the three of them in the back while their driver took them home. “I very much doubt he has much of a future at that school.”

Karma grimaced when the flyer was shredded into little pieces and tossed in the ashtray by the door. “It’s just a competition…”

Their dad shot him a glare. “That barely qualifies as an event.” He scowled. “It’s a wase of time.” His eyes narrowed, causing Karma to tense. “And if I find out you’ve vandalised your books further there will be consequences.”

“…They’re just drawings,” Karma mumbled, earning a nudge from his brother.

“They’re graffiti,” their father lectured. “A scribbled mess that barely qualifies as art much less for a competition.”

Karma’s chest stung, feeling a lump in his throat; he knew his drawings skills weren’t very good but hadn’t thought they were _that_ awful.

“…Mr Ando liked them,” he said in quiet defiance.

Their dad raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware Mr Ando was a renowned art critic,” he replied dryly. “Your teacher may mean well but he has a poor grasp on proper education if he’s going to insist on pandering to his students like a fool.”

Gakushuu frowned. “He’s not a—”

“Did I ask for your comment, Gakushuu?” Their dad asked coldly, causing his older brother to quickly look away. “Karma, do you honestly think you’d actually be able to win an art competition considering your current skills?”

Karma tried not to cringe. “I mean, Mr Ando said—”

“Mr Ando was trying to be _nice_ in some misguided attempt in manipulating you into taking up another hobby,” Their dad said bluntly. “I’m sure he’s said the same to countless other students.” He scoffed. “If you presented even half of those scribbles you’d be laughed out of the competition before it even started.”

Karma’s eyes stung but he didn’t cry, he hadn’t cried for a while. “I guess…”

He supposed his drawings weren’t very good and he imagined how much better the other kids' drawings for competition would be compared to his, and started to feel embarrassed for even considering it.

Mr Ando was probably just trying to be nice, he didn’t actually think his art was good.

Their dad sighed, looking out of the window. “And I’m adjusting your bedtime to 8pm since paying attention in class is apparently such a struggle.”

Karma groaned. “But no one goes to bed that early!”

Gakushuu looked annoyed. “We’re not babies.”

“Enough.” Their dad said sternly. “No arguments.”

Karma scowled and slumped in his seat, glaring out of the window.

* * *

“Here.”

His brother had tossed him a sketchbook and some art pencils.

Karma looked up from his old Astroboy comic book in surprise. “Huh?”

“….You shouldn’t be drawing on your school books.” Gakushuu’s lips were in a thin line.

Karma picked up the art supplies curiously, they were brand new and expensive. “How come—?”

“Just don’t let dad see them.” Gakushuu had already gotten into bed. “And put that away before he comes up to check on us.”

Karma smiled, holding the supplies close before he quickly hid them with the comic book under a loose floorboard when he heard their dad’s footsteps approach. He turned the flashlight off and quickly pretended to go to sleep.

* * *

_When he was nine he understood being strong meant winning no matter what even if it meant competing against his brother._

Their dad liked to enter them in competitions together like a matching set, but sometimes, he liked to see them compete against each other.

Gakushuu normally always won.

Karma was sitting opposite his brother playing in a Shoji tournament on a hot summer’s day in the local centre. He rubbed the back of his neck where sweat had gathered; they’d been playing for hours.

There were lots of people around, but he was used to it by now. It had put him off at first, being watched by hundreds and thousands and people while he was trying to complete one key task, but when he really started focusing it was easy to block them out.

The only person he could never seem to block out was their father, even ignoring him was hard.

Karma stole a glance at their dad when Gakushuu moved his piece on the board; their dad was half-watching the game, texting on his phone, but he looked up sharply when Karma glanced up.

He held back a grimaced and focussed on the game, pushing his tiredness to the side.

He needed to beat Gakushuu, otherwise, he’d always be second best, and if you weren’t first in this family then second place was the equivalent to nothing.

_Only gold was acceptable, anything less was trash._

Karma’s brow furrowed, looking at the board and trying to plan out a strategy and find a quicker path.

Gakushuu was patient and logical, a traditional player, he always planned his strategy out in a rational manner.

In the game of shoji, the pieces were black and red, with the promoted pieces being red when flipped over. Once a piece is promoted, it lost its former capabilities of the type of moves it could do, and could only move according to its new powers. Pieces couldn’t be demoted during the game unless they are captured and removed from the game board.

So, he just needed to find the right path so he could promote the right pieces.

“…Is he alright?” He heard someone whisper and then was quickly shushed.

Karma frowned, trying to ignore them as he chewed on his nail as he grew deep in thought. His imagination drifting as he tried to imagine the game like something of a monster from his sketchbook.

Then his eyes widened when he saw the path, it was a risk, but it was there, and it was quick.

Karma promoted his piece, causing Gakushuu to frown, and then make his mover, causing Karma to smile when he saw.

It was a slow death from that point on.

Karma watched his brother intently as Gakushuu ran out of moves and stared at the board in a long silence.

Some of the onlookers were checking their watches as the sun started to set.

But his brother was cornered, he was just too stubborn to say it.

“You can’t move,” Karma said, and it wasn’t a taunt it was just a fact.

Gakushuu curled his hands into fists, his head low and jaw so tight he might crack his teeth. “…You win.”

Karma felt like his chest would explode, smiling when he was announced the winner and his brother’s face burned from humiliation.

* * *

The gold from the trophy showed the reflection of his face and the kitchen.

Karma felt like he was in a dream, kicking his legs happily as his dad pushed the bowl of chocolate and strawberry ice cream in front of him on the kitchen table. “Thanks, dad!”

Their dad hardly never let them have ice cream!

Gakushuu grimaced, sitting next to him at the table with a healthy protein shake in front of him. “…How come he gets ice cream?”

Their dad smiled pleasantly and patted Karma on the head. “Because he deserves it.” He sat down with them and drank his coffee. “Your little brother performed very well outmanoeuvring you.”

Gakushuu’s cheeks burned, ducking his head. “How did you win anyway?”

“Figure it out.” Karma felt smug, not caring if he was making a mess as he savoured the taste of the treat. “You’re predictable.”

His older brother glared at him. “Yeah, well, I’ll get you next time.” His gaze grew cold. “I’m the best for a reason.”

Karma scowled, gripping his spoon tight.

Why couldn’t his brother just let him have this?!

He smothered his anger and forced a smile. “Yeah, but either way, you still lost.” He licked his spoon obnoxiously. “And now you just sound like a sore loser baby!”

Gakushuu blushed. “I do not!”

Their dad chuckled, sipping his coffee. “You are being insufferable whiny, son.”

Karma laughed. “Yeah, who’s the baby now?”

“Shut up,” Gakushuu mumbled, looking embarrassed.

Karma stuck his tongue out. “Neh!”

“ _Karma.”_ Their dad cautioned. “Manners.”

Karma scowled and quickly went back to eating, sucking on his spoon as e savoured the taste of sugar.

Gakushuu slumped in his seat and miserably drank the gross protein shake, causing Karma to smirk.

* * *

His brother refused to speak to him for the rest of the night.

Karma scowled, glancing up from his old Astroboy comic book. “Are you still being a sore loser?”

His brother kept his back to him. “Are you still being obnoxious?”

His scowl grew. “Why are you sulking?” He glared. “You win all the time and I never complain.”

“I’m not sulking.” His brother sat up, frowning. “Dad was just being an asshole…” He narrowed his eyes. “Whenever you beat me in something he always buys you a treat or something, but if I beat you in a competition I don’t get anything.”

That made Karma pause, remembering the times his dad had treated him with extra praise. “Yeah, but I hardly win…” He shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not like I asked him to buy me ice cream.”

“You didn’t have to be so smug about it.”Gakushuu looked annoyed. “He only does it t punish me.”

Karma’s stomach lurched. “That’s not true!” Even though he knew it probably was. “Why can’t you just shut up and let me enjoy it?”

_Why couldn’t his brother just be proud of him for once!?_

“Well, why don’t use wise up and stop being manipulated like an idiot!” Gakushuu snapped.

Karma felt his temper flare, but it immediately died when they heard their dad’s footsteps and the door opening. He barely had enough time to hide the comic book under the covers before his dad switched the light on, looking annoyed.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Their dad asked sternly.

The two of them stayed silent.

Their dad stared at them coldly. “Do I need to adjust your bedtime back to 8pm?”

Karma’s cheeks flushed, quickly shaking his head. “No, dad.”

“No, sir.” Gakushuu shifted uncomfortably.

They’d had to argue with their dad for months to get their bedtime changed back to 9pm.

Their dad watched them warily for a moment before his gaze narrowed at the flashlight on Karma’s bedside table. Karma grimaced as he watched his dad turn off the light and confiscate it.

“Go to sleep,” their dad said sternly before turning off the light and closing the door.

Neither of them said anything once they were left in the dark.

Karma sighed, hiding the comic book in the floorboards before laying back down, staring at the wall for a long while as he lay awake.

“…I was impressed you won.” He heard his brother mutter.

Karma’s eyes widened briefly, turning over to where his brother’s bed was, but even with the lack of light, he could see his brother still had his back to him.

His anger faded entirely. “…Thanks.”

* * *

The next day he sketched a doodle of their dad being yanked on a dog leash by the two of them while the crude illustration of Karma kicked their dad up the butt, into his brother’s lunch box to make the boy feel better.

Karma felt a swell of victory when he saw his brother snort out milk during lunch when he saw the doodle.

* * *

_When he was ten years old he understood being strong meant fearing failure._

Karma sighed, lying on the couch in the big silent new house. He stared up at the ceiling, hearing the nearby mantelpiece clock tick by and strike 7pm.

His mom was working still, which is all she seemed to be doing these days since the divorce, but she’d promised they would go on a vacation before he started middle school…

The house was quiet…it was weird and it felt like he was living alone. The first few weeks had been amazing, he’d slept in all day on the weekends and eaten whatever he’d wanted, and dressed however he wanted.

His mom had even bought him comic books and video games, probably as a bribe, but he didn’t care since it meant he finally was able to have fun.

It was great, but… well now he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself since he didn’t have a schedule to follow anymore and his dad was no longer breathing down his neck watching his every move.

He was free but it didn’t really feel like it…

Karma glanced at the phone near the window and wondered what Gakushuu would be doing right now… they’d barely spoken since the divorce was finalised and he’d moved into their mom’s fancy new house.

_Dad barely even called either._

Karma swallowed a lump in his throat and sat up, wondering if his bother and father were still mad at him for wanting to live with his mom…

But, despite how much he was trying to ignore it, he missed his dad and brother.

He’d spent the last ten years having every detail of his life managed by one person and now suddenly that was all gone.

A few more minutes passed with him just staring at the cordless phone, until he plucked up the courage to call the Asano residence.

The phone rang for a few seconds until his dad answered. “Hello?”

“Dad?” Karma sat down on the carpet. “It’s me Karma.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” his dad responded rather coldly. “Is there something you needed or perhaps forgot at the house?”

“Uh…” Karma gripped the phone tight. “No, I just…” He started to feel stupid for calling. “Um…is Gakushuu free to talk?”

“No, he’s studying,” his father replied coldly.

“Oh, yeah…” Of course, his brother would be studying.

“Is your mother home?”

“No, she’s working…”

His dad made a faint tsking noise. “As expected.” His tone was filled with contempt. “Have you been studying?”

Karma tensed like he was in the room with the man. “Yes,” he lied; he hadn’t even unpacked his books and it had been nearly a month. “I’m studying.”

There was a pause from the other end, making him grow nervous. “…Good. There are a few topics I want to review with you on your next visit.”

_Shit, now he actually had to study._

Karma forced a grim smile even though his dad couldn’t see. “Yeah, sure, that’s fine.”

“The entrance exam is in less than a year,” his dad started to lecture. “You’ll need to be fully focused and prepared.”

Karma held back a sigh. “Yeah, I know, dad…”

His dad had been preparing them for entrance exams for two years.

The expectation was to pass the exam on the first try, then they needed to achieve the highest marks possible so they could be assigned to Class A. Anything more would be an embarrassment to their family and the school.

Dad had even gone so far as to note the expectation in the custody agreement like he expected their mom to sabotage it – which she had tried, but their dad had better lawyers.

“Is there anything else you wanted?” His dad interrupted his thoughts.

Karma swallowed, rubbing his arm as his chest tightened. “No, I just…” He swallowed a lump, hesitating. “I guess I just missed you.”He cringed the second he said it. “Uh…”

There was a long silence from the other end.

“I see.” That was all his dad said. “Well, I’m sure that’s expected due to the change in environment,” his dad added. “Is your mother feeding you properly? And exercise?”

_He wasn’t a dog…_

Karma clenched his hand tight on his lap. “Yeah…I’m fine.”

“Good.” His dad sounded satisfied. “Then I expect to see you on visitation day – make sure you bring your books.”

Then the line went dead, leaving him alone again in the silent house.

Karma sighed and put the phone back, staring out of the window.

_Did his dad even miss him? Did Gakushuu?_

Karma grimaced and tried not to think about it, heading to the kitchen to experiment more with his mom’s spice collection.

* * *

When the weekend came to visit his dad, the man wasted no time in pulling a lecture.

“…Your entrance exam for Kunugigaoka will be upon you soon,” their dad lectured them in the study room while they were forced to listen. “I assume I don’t need to stress the importance of this considering your entire future rests on it. Do you understand?”

Karma resisted the urge to roll his eyes and the brief glance at his brother confirmed he was having the same struggle.

“Yes, sir,” Karma and Gakushuu replied dryly.

“Anything below the best is mediocre and an embarrassment,” their dad continued, staring at them coldly. “Let me make it clear that if you fail to stay at the top, I will not hesitate to let you drown among your peers – there is no more room for weakness, boys.”

Karma held back a snarky comment, wondering how long his dad was going to push the dramatic metaphors.

“Now.” Their dad held up a timer to three hours and put it on the shelf facing them. “Every day until the exam you will be studying past test questions and every possible subject or question that could arise on the test.”

_Oh, great…_

Karma wanted to slink out of his seat and die.

“I’ve removed all possible distractions, leaving only the necessary material.” Their dad continued.

Karma grimaced, slumping at his desk when he looked around the bare room which currently only had a set of large bookcases and the two desks they were sitting at, with a camera mounted on the wall.

“The door will be locked to assure maximum study time,” their dad added.

Karma raised an eyebrow. “What if there’s a fire?”

Their dad looked unimpressed. “Use the window.”

“Sounds wonderful,” Gakushuu muttered.

Karma snorted while their dad looked more annoyed.

“I’ll come to check your work in three hours.” Their dad set the timer. “I suggest you work quietly.”

Karma sighed, watching their dad leave the room and lock the door. “Great pep talk.” He glanced at his brother. “He seems worse than before…”

Gakushuu sighed, opening his workbook. “Yes, well, he can turn everything into a lecture now.”

“Sounds fun.” Karma opened up his workbook.

“Well at least you don’t have to live with him anymore, right?” His brother replied stiffly.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, resisting the urge to rise to the bait. “Yeah, I guess.”

The two of them worked in silence for a while as Karma focussed on the work, it was definitely difficult but he was still able to catch up even after studying less than before.

“So what have you been doing?” His brother decided to resume the conversation.

Karma hesitated. “…Studying.”

Gakushuu narrowed his eyes. “No, you haven’t.”

Karma grimaced, knowing his brother could see right through him. “…Playing video games,” he murmured, afraid the cameras would pick up the sound.

“Karma.” His brother looked annoyed.

“It’s not like I’m not studying,” Karma argued. “Because I am…just not as much.”

Gakushuu sighed, shaking his head. “You’re going to fall behind.”

Karma’s brow furrowed. “No, I won’t…” He was still smart enough to stay on top. “I’ll be fine.” He grew defensive. “Besides, if you were really worried, you’d call.”

A flicker of guilt flashed across his brother’s face. “I’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Karma replied bitterly, stabbing his pencil against the notebook. “When aren’t you busy?”

His brother’s gaze narrowed. “I warned you what would happen if you went to live with mom.” Gakushuu scowled. “She split our family up.”

Karma’s shoulders hunched up, his stomach twisting. “…You still could have called.”

His brother stayed silent for a while. “…Let’s just finish studying, you know he’ll come in and check halfway through.”

* * *

The rest of the weekend was the same to the point Karma was regretting ever thinking he missed his old schedule.

“…Hm.” Their dad shifted through Karma’s results. “I see you’re still caught up.”

Did his dad just expect his grades to plummet the second he was out of sight?

Karma forced a smile. “Thanks.”

Their dad frowned slightly. “There’s still room for improvement.” He placed the History and English tests where he’d only scored 96% and 94%. “Always aim for 100%, anything less leads to complacency.”

_It was over 90%!_

Karma fought back a scowl, tempted to point out that their whole futures wouldn’t crumble if they got just under 100%. “Yeah, I know.”

“Then don’t grow complacent.” Their dad warned coldly. “Understood?”

Karma sighed, growing impatient. “ _Yes,_ dad.”

“The same applies to you.” He addressed his brother who stared back grimly. “When you enter Class A, you will need to prove yourself as a leader.” He smiled sharply. “Unless you want to spend the rest of your life being a failure and a corporate slave until the day you die?”

Karma watched his brother with interest when he saw him tense.

“I’m not going to fail,” Gakushuu said firmly. “I know how to lead.”

_So do I._

Karma felt a small spark of jealousy threaten to emerge again.

_Why did his dad expect Gakushuu to lead Class A but not even consider Karma?_

Karma swallowed, clenching his hands on his lap.

_Why did his dad think he was defective but Gakushuu was perfect?_

_Why did everyone in this family find it so easy to ignore him?!_

_What was it that was wrong with him?_

He imagined driving his fist into his brother’s perfect face until—

“ _Karma.”_ His dad’s voice broke through his thoughts. “Do you still want to be strong?”

“Huh?” Karma was confused for a bit.

Their dad grabbed his jaw and lifted his chin up when he didn’t look at him straight away. “Do you want to be strong?”

Karma cringed, but forced himself to look his dad in the eye like he was supposed to. “…Yes.”

“And, do you want to be a part of this family?”

His stomach lurched. “What?”

_What kind of question was that?_

“Do you still want to be a part of this family, Karma?” their dad repeated evenly.

Karma grimaced, staying guarded and hesitating. He glanced at his brother and then their dad and came to the grim realisation that they were the only two people in the world who actually cared about his future.

Karma swallowed. “Yes, I do.”

“Then regardless of whether you are in this house or with your mother, I expect complete dedication to your studies,” their dad told him. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, dad.” Karma nodded, lowering his gaze when his dad released his jaw, his shoulders feeling heavy like chains were weighing him down.


	4. He didn't need anyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, guess this is five chapters, not 4.

_When he was eleven he realised the strong relied on no one,_

“Congratulations.” His mom dumped his acceptance letter to Kunugigoaka on his desk. “You passed first try.”

Karma looked up from his video game and quickly checked the results, his mother’s maiden name ‘Akabane’ proudly at the top and tied to his first name – which would royally piss off his dad.

“I got in the top five.” He smiled in relief, knowing anything less would bring hell to pay.

He wondered what grade Gakushuu got…

_Probably first like always._

“Your father must be proud,” his mom remarked coldly, looking displeased and tired, long red hair loose.

Karma tensed, frowning when he looked back at her. “…If you didn’t want me to go so bad you could have moved us.”

“It’s honestly not worth going to court over.” His mom’s lips thinned, gold eyes tired. “Besides, I thought you wanted to go.”

“I do.” Karma insisted, pushing away a small lingering bit of doubt. “You know most moms would be proud.”

_At least his dad would be proud… hopefully._

His mom’s lips thinned briefly. “I am proud,” she replied stiffly. “But I know what your father’s like.” Her eyes narrowed. “I already know he’s had you visiting on his non-visitation days.”

Karma held back a scowl, wondering how his mom found out since she was always working. “It’s not like I was staying over, dad just wanted me over for studying.”

He’d lost track of the amount of Saturdays he’d spent locked in the study room with his brother, piling over test after test.

“Dad just cares about my future,” Karma told her firmly.

“And you think I don’t?” His mom snapped.

Karma glared at her. “Well, it’s not like you’re ever here!” He curled his hands into fists. “All you care about is work! At least dad actually gives a shit—”

“Your father is a selfish narcissistic prick!” His mom shot back, looking angry. “And the only thing he cares about is himself!”

“That’s not true!” Karma shouted.

_His dad was the only person who actually believed in him and wanted to raise him to be a strong leader! Even if his dad was a jerk and wasn’t the nicest of parents._

“You know damn well it is!” his mom shouted. “And until you realise it you’re going to spend the rest of your life trying to get his approval when it was never worth it to begin with!”

She slammed the door hard on her way out, causing one of the posters on his wall to fall down.

Karma gritted his teeth, feeling his eyes sting, wanting to scream at her as he drove his fist into the wall, denting the plaster.

* * *

His mom refused to go with him to get his school uniform on the weekend so he went with his brother and dad which was a headache.

Shopping with their dad always took longer than needed since the man wouldn’t leave the store until he was sure every item of clothing was perfect.

Karma grimaced as the store clerk measured his arms to get the right fit for the jacket.

“Seriously, who styled these uniforms? They look ugly, Karma said bluntly.

Gakushuu sighed while their dad narrowed his eyes.

“ _Karma.”_ Their dad warned.

Karma shrugged. “I’m just being honest.”

The grey looked off, like almost purple which just didn’t flatter it.

Impatience ticked across their dad’s face. “Are the measurements done?” he asked the clerk.

“Yes, we have their sizes in, so I’ll just need to go round back.” The man nodded, noting down the measurements on a notepad. “Would you like all the uniform pieces? Including the spring uniform?”

“Yes, we’ll try them all on,” their dad said.

Karma bit back a groan as the clerk went round the back. “I don’t like the yellow cardigans.”

“Agreed,” Gakushuu said.

Their dad shot them a warning look. “I want to see how you look in everything.”

Karma raised an eyebrow. “Does that include the skirts as well?”

Gakushuu nudged him hard. “Shut up.”

“It’s a valid question.” Kama shrugged.

“Enough.” Their dad sighed, already looking tired with them. “We are buying all the uniform pieces because I am not wasting time to come back here in spring.”

Karma frowned, remembering the money his mom had given. “Well how much is it gonna cost?” He took out his wallet. “Because mom only gave me cash so—”

“I don’t need your mother’s money to pay for _my_ own son’s uniform,” their dad said coldly, making them both grow on edge. “Anything related to your schooling is handled by _me_.”

Karma quickly put the money away. “Right…”

Their dad grimaced. “I’m surprised she even cared to give you money.” He looked Karma over, frowning at the black hoodie and jeans he was wearing. “When was the last time she even purchased new clothes for you?”

Karma shifted uncomfortably. “…She let’s me buy my own.”

“ _Clearly_.” Their dad looked unimpressed. “I see your mother’s hands-off approach to parenting still hasn’t changed.”

“I’m _eleven_ , dad, I know how to buy my own clothes…” Karma frowned, wondering why his dad thought he looked scruffy. _Besides, he liked having the freedom to choose._ “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

He glanced at his brother but Gakushuu just frowned and didn’t say anything.

Their dad stayed silent, making Karma feel like an insect under a microscope. Fortunately, he was saved when the store clerk came stumbling back out with a pile of clothes.

“There we are!” The store clerk rubbed his bald head and sighed tiredly.

“Thank you.” Their dad smiled politely. “Alright, boys, let’s begin.”

Karma held back a groan, sharing an annoyed look with his brother.

* * *

 _Ugh_ , he hated everything about the uniform.

Karma shifted uncomfortably when he stepped out of the changing room with the full main uniform on. The blazer was a perfect fit but he didn’t like buttoning it, and he didn’t like the tie. The trousers were nice though…

When he glanced at his brother they were near identical except Gakushuu had the blazer buttoned and his tie done up.

“…I think a different belt would look better.” Their dad looked away from scrutinising Gakushuu to cast his gaze on Karma and then sighed in annoyance while the clerk rush to get a different belt. “Karma, how many times do I have to tell you to do your tie properly?”

Karma grimaced, hunching his shoulders. “I don’t like them…”

“Nonsense.” Their dad frowned, standing in front of him to fix the tie. “If you’re going to be a politician one day, you’ll need to wear a tie.”

Karma scowled. “Then I’ll make a law banning them.”

Gakushuu snorted, standing next to him. “You’ll still have to wear one until then.”

_But, why?!_

“I don’t like it,” Karma said stubbornly. “It’s like a noose—”

“ _Karma_.” Their dad’s voice sharpened warningly.

Karma’s lips thinned, looking down. “I still don’t like them.”

“What you like is unimportant.” Their dad’s gaze was stern. “Everyone wears the same uniform – no exceptions.” The tie was fixed in place, and then their dad buttoned up the blazer. “There.” Their dad flicked some lint off Karma’s shoulders. “Now you look perfect.”

Karma smiled a little when his dad called him perfect. “I guess…”

Something in their dad’s gaze softened when he looked at him for a moment, gently tidying Karma’s hair. “Eleven years old and already in middle school and ahead of your peers.” Their dad’s voice sounded strangely warm. “You’ve done well.” An almost fond look was on their dad’s face. “Very well.”

He smiled more, feeling warm like the sun was shining down on him. “Thanks, dad...” Karma wasn’t sure what else to say since that was the warmest his dad had spoken to him for a few years.

“It’s hard to believe how quickly time’s moved.” Their dad lifted Gakushuu’s chin up, making his older brother’s shoulders tense. “You’ve performed exceptionally.” Their dad smiled with a hint of pride at his oldest. “Perfect.”

Gakushuu’s gaze sparked with life when he heard the praise. “Thank you, sir.”

Their dad hummed, placing his hands on both of their shoulders. “You’ll be men soon in a few short years, boys, which means these next three years are _crucial_.” The warmth started to fade from his voice. “There can’t be any room for mistakes.”

_Only the weak failed._

“Yes, sir.” Gakushuu’s gaze dulled as he nodded. “No mistakes.”

Karma’s smile faded a little as he nodded as well, already growing tired like there was a weight on his shoulders again. “Yeah, no mistakes…”

* * *

“Let me see then…” His mom looked hesitant when she leaned against the doorframe to his room.

Karma looked up from his comic book. “See what?”

His mom’s smile was strained. “Your uniform… your father already told me he paid.” Her smile wavered. “I’ll be downstairs.”

He frowned a little but nodded after a second. “Okay.”

He came downstairs ten minutes later in the full uniform, keeping his blazer and tie loose.

His mom was sitting on the sofa, and her gaze warm when she saw him. “You look handsome.” Her smile looked genuine, standing up. “Though the colour’s a little…”

“Yeah, it’s shit,” Karma commented, making his mom laugh.

“It looks okay.” Her smile was crooked, smoothing his hair back a little. “Come on, let me get a picture.”

“Seriously?” His cheeks flushed, growing embarrassed when she fumbled with her phone. “It’s just a uniform.”

“It’s important.” His mom nudged him towards the wall. “My little genius.”

Karma bit back a smile as his mom took the picture, and then kept taking pictures until he glared at her. “Do you have enough already?”

“Not quite.” She pulled him close and took a photo of them both. “That way I can show the assholes at work.” She smirked. “Half of their kids are too stupid to get into state school.”

Karma grinned in amusement. “I am pretty amazing.”

“Don’t let it go to your head.” His mom snorted, smiling fondly until some sadness flickered across her face. “You grew up fast.” Her smile started to fade as she sighed, making him tense when she pulled him into a hug. “ _Too fast_.”

Karma stayed tense, feeling uncomfortable as his mom embraced him until he hesitantly lifted his arms and hugged her back. “…You know I’m just going to middle school right?”

_It wasn’t like he was leaving home… why were his parents being so sentimental?_

His mom smiled, looking sad still as she kissed his forehead. “Fine. I’ll stop.” She placed her hands on his shoulders. “I finished work early so how about we watch some game shows together? I made some of my special extra spicy ramen!”

_He loved special extra spicy ramen!_

Karma perked up. “Is it the game show with the slime?”

“Of course.” She smirked, ruffling his head. “Go upstairs and change.”

Karma nodded and smiled, rushing upstairs to change.

* * *

Karma hugged his bag close as he looked up at the massive school, the students walking passed him like he was barely there.

He took a deep breath. “Well, here we go— Hey!”

An older boy shoved passed him and nearly knocked him over. “Hey, _what_?” The older student looked over his shoulder at Karma and smirked. “Mind your manners.”

“Yeah.” His ugly friend snickered, before the two of them headed to the school.

Karma gritted his teeth, clenching his hands tightly into a fist, taking a step forward until a hand rested on his shoulder.

“The Principal is expecting us in his office,” his brother said, frowning at him.

Karma’s temper faded, unclenching his fist. “Wow, we haven’t even started class yet and he’s giving us a lecture?”

His brother sighed, staring up at the school grimly. “Just come on.”

Karma rolled his eyes and followed him inside the building which Gakushuu seemed to already know his way around which meant he must have visited recently since Karma had only come here before when he was five and seven.

Gakushuu lead them to the office and took a deep breath when they reached the door, adjusting his tie. “Fix your tie.”

Karma scowled. “Seriously?”

His brother looked annoyed and started trying to tidy him up. “You know what he’s like.”

Karma grimaced as his tie was straightened, which was already pissing him off. “Seriously, get off!”

Gakushuu shot him a glare before knocking on the door. “Just don’t say anything stupid.”

He rolled his eyes. “Same goes for you.”

“Come in.” Their dad’s voice called from the office.

Karma sighed as they entered the office. The office was dim, with most of the light coming from the large window which their dad’s desk was situated at. While aligning the walls was a collection of all their dad’s awards and trophies.

Their dad stopped typing on the laptop at his desk and closed it. “Ah, good, right on time.” He looked pleased when they stood in front of him. “Yes, perfect.” He stood up. “I wanted to clarify some details since you’re officially my students here.” He walked around the desk and stood in front of them. “Regardless of our familiar connection, I want to make it clear there will be no favouritism.”

“Fine with us.” Karma frowned, knowing the last thing he wanted was people kissing his ass just because the Principal was his dad.

“Furthermore, it’s important professional boundaries are maintained.” Their dad smiled pleasantly. “Therefore from now on, I expect you to address me as your Principal, just as I’ll be addressing you as my students Asano and…” His smile tightened when he looked at Karma. “And Akabane.”

Karma frowned slightly. “…What, even in private?”

He could understand not calling him their dad during school but…

“I think that best,” their…Principal said.

Karma’s frown grew, feeling weird. “But we’re your kids,” he said cautiously. “Why would you call us by our last names?”

“That may be but you’re my students first and foremost.” Their dad’s smile stiffened. “There needs to be boundaries.”

“But…” Karma looked at his brother questionably but Gakushuu didn’t seem surprised, he just stared back passively.

“Akabane, I gave you an instruction.” Their dad’s tone grew cold, smile fading. “Do I need to repeat myself or do you understand?”

Karma curled his hands into fists as he glared at the ground. “…Yes.”

Their dad lifted his jaw so he had to look at him. “Yes…?”

He glared back stubbornly, clenching his fists tight. “Yes, _sir_.”

Their dad smiled, patting his head. “Good. Asano?”

“Yes, sir,” Gakushuu replied coldly.

“Good.” Their dad nodded, regarding them for a moment. “You two are my top students, I expect great things from you both and to set the bar high for your classmates.” He smiled politely. “I’ve already taken the liberty of enrolling you in relevant school extracurricular activities.”

_Already?! But he hadn’t even decided yet and their mom had said she’d wanted to discuss it with him first._

Karma frowned. “Wait, but mom—”

“I’ve already explained this.” Their dad’s voice sharpened. “Your mother doesn’t have a say in regards to your education.” His gaze was like ice. “And if she has an issue with it, she’s perfectly welcomed to discuss it with myself or a lawyer.”

Karma grimaced, hoping his mom wouldn’t get make a big deal about it. “Okay.”

Their dad’s expression grew pleasant again. “Good.” He took out two pieces of paper. “I had my assistant type up your schedules for you both of the list of clubs you’ve been assigned to.” He handed over the list to them both. “Make sure you attend the tryout days.”

Karma frowned, reviewing the large list of clubs he’d been signed up, and then frowned. “…I can’t do basketball,” he said, looking up. “I’m meant to be joining science club with Okuda.”

“Your science scores are fine, you need to invest more time in sports since you’ve been slacking.” Their dad frowned. “Those things are important for potential colleges, these next six years are key for that.”

Karma’s brow furrowed more. “Yeah, but can’t I just do that next year or—?”

“This isn’t up for discussion,” their dad interrupted coldly, staring him down. “I’ve already made the decision.”

Karma clenched the paper, feeling his frustration grow. Feeling like he was choking as the air was being sucked out of the room. “…You could have at least asked first.”

“A teacher doesn’t need to seek advice from their students when they know what’s best for them,” their dad replied coolly, clasping his hands behind his back. “You two are the perfect example of my education.” He smiled like they were his prized trophies. “I have high expectations for you both.” He looked at Karma pointedly. “And if you fail to meet those expectations, there will be consequences.”

Karma swallowed a lump in his throat when he thought about being punished and being put in ‘timeout’. Shoved in a small dark space for hours on end.

“We understand, sir,” Gakushuu replied coldly.

Karma could barely hold back the glare when their dad looked at them expectantly. “Yeah, crystal clear.”

* * *

The only other person besides his brother he knew in Class A was Sakakibara; who was still a complete pain in the ass.

Karma scowled from his desk, loosening his tie as more students piled in. Okuda was in Class B which was annoying but at least he could still hang out with her at break time, and he had wanted to attend science club with her but…

His scowl grew when he thought about his meeting with his dad and all the clubs he’d been signed up for involuntarily. Like he just expected Karma to go along with it and be happy.

He was pulled from his thoughts when their teacher entered and they all stood to attention when their teacher arrived and bowed.

“Alright, class.” The silver-haired teacher wrote his name on the blackboard as they sat down. “My name is Mr Shishido Kazuhiko.” He wrote his name on the blackboard for the 40 students in attendance. “I will be your homeroom teacher.” He cleared his throat. “First, I would like to congratulate you all for working hard to get into Class A.” He smiled pleasantly. “You are all among the elite, take pride in that children!”

Karma resisted the urge to roll his eyes when he saw most of his classmates were soaking this up.

_Why was their teacher even trying to make them feel like they were something special when half of them probably would drop out in the second semester when they couldn’t take the pressure?_

Gakushuu looked like he was pretending to listen diligently but Karma had a strong feeling he knew the speech was boring as hell and just empty words.

“Now.” Their teacher cleared his throat once finished with the boring speech. “I think it best we introduce ourselves.” He picked up the roll call book. “Let’s go I alphabetical order, shall we?”

_Oh, come on!_

Karma held back a sigh, wanting to just get the class over with.

“Akabane, Karma?”

It took him a second to realise he was addressing him, since he was used to Gakushuu being called first.

“Uh.” Karma looked up.

The teacher’s smile tightened. “Go on now, stand up and tell us a little about yourself.”

_Ugh…_

Karma sighed and stood up. “Hi…I’m Karma…so just call me that.” There was a long pause and heard his brother sigh quietly. “Uh…I like spices.”

_Why did they have to do this!?_

Their teacher nodded. “Thank you, Akabane. You can sit down now.” He looked at the list as Karma sat back down. “Asano Gakushuu.”

His brother stood up promptly. “Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you all, I’m Asano and there are a few clubs I’m looking to join.” His smile was pleasant. “I look forward to our time together.”

Karma rolled his eyes when his brother sat down.

* * *

Karma looked around the classroom when lunchtime came, the whole morning had practically been spent on introductions and then going over what would be covered in the semester one syllabus, so now half of his classmates had gone to the cafeteria.

He glanced at his brother who was busy smiling and talking to a group of girls who already seemed to be fawning over him.

“ _Gross_.” He muttered, grabbing his bag to move away from the desk. If he hurried now he could probably catch Okuda now to eat lunch.

“Karma, wait.” His brother stopped him from leaving.

Karma sighed, looking over his shoulder when his brother bid the group goodbye and walked over.

“Where are you going?” his brother asked.

“Lunch.” Karma shrugged, adjusting the bag strap over his shoulder. “Okuda’s next door so—”

“Let’s have lunch together.” His brother interjected. “There’s something I wanted to discuss with you.”

Karma scowled. “Why what is it?”

He really couldn’t be bothered with another lecture this early.

His brother frowned. “Just come on.” He stepped into the hallway and looked back at him expectantly. “It’s important.”

Karma rolled his eyes. “When isn’t it?” He followed after regardless.

The two of them settled to have lunch in the shade of a tree near somewhere private.

Gakushuu frowned when he saw Karma get out his strawberry milk carton and a packet of cheesy crisps. “…Is that your lunch?”

Karma shrugged, opening the crisps. “Yeah.”

His brother looked disapprovingly. “Is that woman even feeding you properly?” He sighed, taking out his own lunch which was a nutritionists dream, perfectly organised and well balanced. “Here, have some of mine.”

Karma rolled his eyes, slurping his milk. “No thanks.”

His brother narrowed his eyes, putting some rice balls and chicken in a napkin. “You need to eat a real lunch.” He started to look angry. “Is she even taking care of you?”

Karma sighed, growing annoyed with his fretting. “Calm down, I’m eating fine. I just could be bothered making lunch last night.”

That didn’t reassure the other boy. “It’s a parent’s job to make sure you’re eating properly.” He pushed the food towards him. “Now eat.” His gaze narrowed. “Or do you want me to tell dad?”

Karma scowled at the threat, glowering at his brother. “Seriously?”

Gakushuu’s glare didn’t waver. “You know he’ll make a big deal out of it.”

No shit. His father would probably accuse his mom of neglect and try to get the police involved.

“Fine, if it’ll shut you up.” Karma reluctantly ate the food, which was good if not plain.

His brother watched him for a moment. “So how are things with her?”

Karma shrugged, chewing on the chicken. “Fine.”

His brother frowned. “I assume she’s working a lot?”

Karma shrugged again. “Yeah, when isn’t she?”

Gakushuu sighed. “…You know you don’t have to stay with her if you don’t want,” he said lightly, causing Karma to frown. “It’d be perfectly understandable if you changed your mind and wanted to come home.”

Karma swallowed the chicken, looking at his brother warily. “That’d be a mess in court.”

“When wasn’t it already a mess?” Gakushuu argued, frowning. “Besides, you know how he is, he prefers keeping us close.”

_More like obsessed…_

Karma chewed his rice slowly, knowing how suffocating their dad could be. He knew their dad cared and he was grateful but…he didn’t know if he could bring himself to being back under the man’s thumb 24/7. He needed a break.

And, besides, what was with the whole bullshit of referring to him as their Principal all the time? It was like he was cutting them off or pushing them away…

Karma’s stomach lurched. “…I can’t just leave mom.” He opted to say instead.

His brother’s eyes narrowed. “She didn’t have a problem abandoning us.”

Karma frowned, remembering the nights where his mom would have time off work and they’d cook dinner together, playing and experimenting with different spices.

“…You can’t really blame her for wanting to leave dad,” he muttered, looking at Gakushuu pointedly. “He wasn’t exactly nice to her.”

Their father (most likely) never physically hurt their mom since the man had always told Karma that those who physically assaulted women were scum, but he wasn’t exactly nice to their mom either; they’d observed as much when they were little. Their parents always seemed to be arguing.

Gakushuu ate his food quietly for a while, seeming to think about it. “I’m sure her working all the time didn’t help matters. She barely even paid attention to our grades.”

“At least she doesn’t plan out our whole lives for us,” Karma muttered bitterly.

His brother paused, staring at his lunch box. “…It’s only for a while,” he said quietly. “When we’re adults, then we can make our own decisions.”

“Yeah after waiting nearly ten years,” Karma muttered. “Why can’t he just give us a choice?”

Their dad claimed he was doing all this for their own good, and Karma knew the man just wanted them to be strong, but why couldn’t they be allowed to make _some_ choices at least?

His brother’s expression looked bitter. “Until we prove we’re strong enough he’s not going to let us off the leash.” His gaze was sharp. “He’s going to be watching us more closely than ever, so stay out of trouble.”

Karma scowled faintly. “Hey, they don’t bother me, I don’t bother them. Simple.”

Gakushuu’s gaze narrowed. “We both know that’s a lie.” His tone grew stern. “You’re in Class A now, you can’t go around picking fights all you’ll drop down.” He grimaced. “The Principal isn’t going to let you off the hook… you’re just another student here, being his son doesn’t mean anything—”

“I didn’t expect him to,” Karma said coldly, slurping his strawberry milk angrily. “He already made that clear by refusing to even use my first name.”

His brother sighed. “Yes, well, I already expected it,” He said grimly. “Besides, since when has he acted like a real father?”

Karma frowned a little, remembering memories of their dad reading them stories at night and tucking them in. “…He used to read us those Astroboy comic books, remember?” He still had the comic book at his mom’s house, safely tucked away on the bookshelf. “You saved it from getting tossed out.”

His brother’s expression grew closed off. “…That was a very long time ago.”

_It felt like another life._

Karma sighed, feeling the memories slip further away the older they both got. “I still remember.”

“Why bother dwelling on the past?” Gakushuu said coldly, staring at his lunch. “There’s no point. Not when everything’s different now.”

“…Yeah, sure, whatever.” Karma tried not to let it bother him, clenching his fist tight.

His brother sighed, staring at him thoughtfully. “Just stay out of trouble,” he warned him. “We can’t afford any mistakes.”

Karma avoided his gaze and drank his milk. “You don’t have to keep babysitting me all the time, I’m not stupid.”

_It was like his brother and dad thought he was incapable of making good decisions…_

“Then don’t be reckless,” his brother replied impatiently. “And promise me you’ll stay out of trouble.”

“Yeah, sure.” Karma felt a bitterness creep up, feeling like he was being smothered again. “Okay.”

_Could his brother just stop being a control freak for once?_

“ _Karma.”_

“I said okay.“ Karma started to lose his patience. “No need to nag.”

His brother’s gaze narrowed slightly but he didn’t push it, the two of them eating their shared lunch in silence.

* * *

When he got home the first thing he did was toss his blazer and tie on the floor before collapsing on his bed and curling up, swallowing thickly as an ache grew in his chest.

The house was quiet. It was nearly always quiet.

Karma glanced up briefly at his pile of study textbooks next to his comic books.

He pulled the list of clubs out of his pocket and looked at the types of clubs his dad had signed him up for.

_Did Gakushuu just expect them to live like this until they left for college? That was six to seven years of their life spent trying to be perfect._

He scrunched up the list in his hand, feeling like he was losing his mind when he imagined forcing a smile and bearing it while his dad breathed down his neck constantly.

He’d left to go live with his mom so he could get freedom, but how was he free if his dad was still making the big decisions in his life?

Karma swallowed, shaking and feeling like he was being suffocated again.

_He needed to breathe._

_The house was too quiet._

Karma got off the bed and grabbed his jacket before heading outside, locking the house before heading out onto the street as the sun was setting.

* * *

Karma sunk his fists into the older kid’s stupid face; they’d tried to start a fight when he’d shoved passed him.

He kept hitting, blood splattering against the walls of the back alley.

_Why did being strong mean he had to be perfect?_

He broke the other boy’s jaw, making a cracking noise.

_Perfect. Like Gakushuu._

Karma felt a surge of frustration and smashed his fist into the boy’s face one last time when the boy started crying and spitting out blood.

Karma felt his eyes sting, feeling like he was losing his mind.

* * *

He didn’t turn up to any of the clubs tryouts that week. _Not a single one._

Karma’s hands shook a little when he stood outside the Principal’s office after being called up during class; Gakushuu had looked concerned. He hadn’t tried to tidy his tie or button his blazer.

“Come in.” His dad’s voice was like ice.

Karma grimaced, resigned, entering the office and shutting the door behind him.

“Explain yourself.” His dad stayed seated at his desk, regarding him coldly.

Karma stood in front of the desk, almost surprised by how much he wasn’t scared. “…I didn’t want to join the clubs.”

His dad’s gaze narrowed. “Is this your mother’s doing?”

“No.” He looked his dad in the eye. “I just… didn’t want to do them.”

Rage shone in his dad’s gaze for a second before it quietened and settled into something cold.

Karma nearly smiled when he saw the crack in composure.

“Do you even care about your future?” His dad questioned coldly.

“Yes.” Karma narrowed his gaze. He’d still gotten good grades even after not being watched by his dad 24/7. He didn’t need to follow every detail of his dad’s advice to be strong. “I just didn’t wanna do the stupid clubs—”

“That’s enough.” His dad took a deep breath. “I don’t know if this rebellion is your mother’s doing or a simple consequence of your age.” His eyes narrowed. “This is your first and only warning,” he said lightly. “I will be re-enrolling you into those clubs in the second semester and you will attend each try out session.”

Karma kept his eyes narrowed, knowing he was pushing his boundaries. “…I’m just going to skip them in second semester.”

His dad’s composer cracked again, something dark threatening to leak out, making him tense and step back a little.

 _“Karma.”_ His dad took another deep breath, regaining composer before he slipped. “I will be disciplining your behaviour next week on your visitation day when you come home.”

Karma’s stomach lurched when fear crept in, but he tried to hide it, knowing if he showed weakness now that would be it. “Fine.” He took a deep breath. “Is that it?”

His dad looked displeased. “ _Get out of my sight.”_

* * *

He lasted two days before he got into a fight.

It was behind the school near the entrance to the mountain that lead to the E Class building. An older second year boy, was harassing a meek third-year student from 3-E and even threatened to throw a rock at the cowering boy.

Karma broke his fist in the student’s face until he drew blood while the 3-E student stood behind and looked terrified.

He kept punching until a teacher finally came and dragged him off.

***

“I’m disappointed.” Their dad was staring at him in contempt. “I don’t know what possessed you to lash out like some animal, but you were out of line.”

Karma’s knuckled were still caked in blood and there was some blood on his shirt collar; he probably looked a mess.

Gakushuu was standing next to him, looking pale.

“He deserved it.” Karma swallowed a lump in his throat, shaking a little. “He was hurting—”

“A student who needed to be put back in their place,” Their dad interrupted, tapping his finger on the 3-E student’s file. “A child with no future who had the audacity to talk back to their betters.”

Karma curled his fist tight. “…They weren’t even fighting back.”

_He was in the right._

Their dad stayed quiet before looking at Gakushuu. “I thought I told you to mind your brother and keep him out of trouble, Asano.”

Gakushuu narrowed his eyes. “I was—”

“I don’t need minding,” Karma snapped, his frustration boiling over until he wanted to scream. “I can make my own decisions.”

“Oh, yes, _clearly_.” Their dad said darkly. “Clearly, you’ve made such sound decisions so far.” He stood up. “Just _look_ at you.”

Karma’s face twitched, lowering his gaze when he felt his eyes sting. “I don’t need you,” he muttered, fear creeping in again.

“Excuse me?” Their dad’s tone was frigid, walking over to him.

Karma swallowed a lump in his throat, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up. “I don’t need you to make my decisions for me.”

He shook a little from fear when a cold silence settled, feeling his dad glare down at him as they all stood there in the dim office which just seemed to be getting darker and colder like a smog was creeping in.

“ _Look at me_.” His jaw was roughly grabbed, forcing him to look their dad in the eye. “Everything I have and will do is to raise you into a strong young man I know you can be.”

_He didn’t feel very strong._

Gakushuu looked between them both in alarm. “Sir—”

“ _Be quiet_.” Their dad gripped his jaw tight, bruising.

Karma blinked back tears when his dad kept an iron grip around his jaw, and felt his heart race, feeling like his neck would break.

“Whether you resent me or not is irrelevant, the only thing I care about is your future,” their dad said calmly, making Karma wince when he gripped his jaw tighter as if he’d crush it. “I _want_ you to be strong, son, and you will be.” Frustration flashed across their dad’s face. “I am trying to _help_ you, but you’re refusing to listen.”

Karma winced and tried to rip the hand off his jaw when the grip grew crushing and he felt like the bone would crack, feeling scared. “Dad—"

“Dad, let go—”

“I said, _be quiet.”_ Their dad snapped, composure cracked. “Karma, _look at me.”_ The grip tightened like it was choking him. “You’re still _a child_ , you don’t understand how the world works—”

“LET GO!” Gakushuu shouted, grabbing their dad’s wrist to yank him off. “You’re hurting him!”

Their dad’s eyes widened briefly before he let go, causing Karma to drop to the floor and breathe heavily, tears finally falling as his whole body shook.

Karma’s hands trembled, his heart racing so fast it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Karma?” Gakushuu knelt by his side and pulled him close. “Are you okay?”

Karma touched his jaw, feeling it start to bruise, shaking from fear like he hadn’t in years.

“I apologise, I didn’t realise…” Their dad took a deep breath, already composed again. Cracks sealed up. “Boys?”

He stared at the floor, the fear fading into a numbness as Gakushuu held him tight and tucked Karma’s head under his chin protectively. Neither of them looked at their dad.

“I don’t expect you both to understand fully, but you are _my_ students, _my sons_ …and I will make you strong.” Their dad bent down to their eye level even though they still wouldn’t look at him. “I know you both have the potential to be capable and powerful men in just a few short years.”

Gakushuu held Karma tighter when their dad hesitantly placed a hand on both of their heads.

“I won’t lie and say I’m not disappointed.” Their dad stroked Gakushuu’s head gently while the boys stayed huddled together. “But what’s happening now is just a turbulent phase.” Their dad kept talking. “At your age, it’s natural for you to push back and not understand the necessity of what I’m doing, and even sabotage that.” Their dad’s voice stayed calm while Karma felt like he wanted to scream. “Regardless of that, you’re still my students and it is my duty to educate you.”

Karma felt like chains were coiling around his arms and legs like he couldn’t run away even if he tried.

“…Karma?” Their dad was looking at him, fingertips lightly touching the bruise on his jaw.

Karma swallowed, lifting his gaze to look at his father. He clenched his hand into a fist. “ _I hate you.”_

Their dad stared back at him with cold acceptance.

It went downhill from there.

* * *

Karma smashed his fist into another student’s face, feeling a rush of adrenaline when he blocked the incoming punch, the other two students already unconscious.

“Karma, stop!” Okuda sounded upset, trying to drag him off.

He blinked, looking up when he remembered that he had an audience and everyone was staring at him in horror.

He probably should have been more discreet…

He paused, lowering his fist as the teachers rushed over.

Briefly, he caught sight of his brother who looked disappointed which should have hurt but… he was surprised by how much he didn’t care.

* * *

“What is wrong with you?” Gakushuu hissed when they were finally alone in the waiting room to the Principal’s office. “Are you trying to get expelled?”

Karma stared dully at his hand which was still stained with some blood. “Maybe.”

“This isn’t the way to beat him,” Gakushuu warned lowly. “You’re just letting him win – do you want to ruin your future, do you want to be a failure?”

Karma started to lose interest in the conversation when his brother just sounded more and more like their father. “I’ll be fine.”

His brother groaned in frustration. “Karma—”

“Why do you think I’m an idiot?” Karma interrupted, looking up at his brother who frowned.

“…What?” Gakushuu grew on guard. “The only reason I think you’re an idiot now is that you’re acting like one.”

“Yeah, because you’re just so _perfect_ aren’t you?” Karma muttered, rubbing his eyes when they started to hurt. 

“…You’re being ridiculous.” His brother’s voice grew cold. “I’m trying to protect you—”

“Do I _look_ like I need protecting?” Karma snapped, losing his temper.

_He hadn’t needed his brother’s protection for a long time._

Gakushuu was silent, staring at him for a moment. “No, I suppose you don’t…” He sighed deeply, looking away. “Fine.” He stood up and smooth down his blazer. “If that’s what you want.”

Karma’s stomach twisted remorsefully. “Shuu—”

Their dad’s assistant opened the door, frowning at them as he held a clipboard. “the Chairman will see you now.”

Karma grimaced, standing up. “Great…”

The assistant glanced at Gakushuu. “He wishes to see Mr Akabane only.”

Gakushuu frowned and opened his mouth but Karma just walked ahead towards the office. “Yeah, sure, whatever,” he said numbly, leaving his brother behind.

He didn’t feel scared when he was alone with his father in the principal office. The bruises on his jaw were still healing from the few days prior.

“How long are you going to continue to ruin your future?” His dad looked disappointed again, sitting at his desk.

“…He deserved it,” Karma repeated quietly, feeling tired. “You said it was okay if—"

“You know very well there is a time and a place for that behaviour.” His dad interrupted sharply. “Violence belongs in specific _private_ areas.”

Karma’s gaze narrowed. “Like this office.”

His dad’s eyes flashed warningly. “Do not aggravate me when you are on thin ice as it is.” He sighed, taking a deep breath. “I know I can be strict, and that you may resent me for that fact alone.” His gaze was stern. “But it is my obligation to teach you.”

“I don’t need you to teach me,” Karma replied coldly.

“Oh really?” His father’s smile was thin. “I see, so you think I have nothing left to teach you?” His expression soured. “You’re wrong, you have so much to learn, and you will learn.” He regarded him grimly. “My only mistake was being too attentive. I’m not going to indulge you any longer. You think you know all the answers? Then fine, _make your own choices_.”

Karma’s eyes widened briefly. “What?”

“If you resent my guidance so much then so be it.” His dad looked at him in contempt. “But you are not leaving this school, and you will not drag your brother down to your level,” he told him. “You’ll be dropping down to D Class where you will stay until you’ve proven you have the right to belong in A Class.”

“Is that supposed to be a punishment?” Karma nearly scoffed but tensed when his dad stood up.

“Your mother spoiled you.” His dad regarded him coldly, still towering above him. “I should have never let her have you.”

“At least she acts like a parent…” Karma flinched and felt his hands shake when his dad cupped his jaw, tracing the finger-shaped bruises with his thumb.

“Interesting, and when was the last time you saw her?” His dad asked, striking a nerve. “Or has she been working late again?”

Karma tensed, swallowing a lump in his throat; she’d been busy with work for the last three weeks since school started.

_But, she still cared…she had to._

No one else did. Not really. Gakushuu was already disappointed, he’d stop caring soon enough as well.

His father hummed grimly when he remained silent. “As I thought.” He sighed. “You’ll learn soon enough, or fail.” He looked him over like he was a speck of dirt. “ _What a waste of time_.” Karma flinched, blinking back tears as he swallowed thickly. “Leave.” He let go of his chin and walked back to the desk. “I can’t even look at you.”

* * *

Mom wasn’t home when he got back.

The house was quiet.

Karma stared blankly at the small bonfire he made in the backyard, watching the pile of textbooks and tie bun up. Letting out a deep breath.

He didn’t need to study constantly to be smarter than anyone else.

He didn’t need his brother smothering him, and he didn’t need his dad.

He didn’t need anyone.


End file.
